different era

i realise tt e previous post may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt some pple, but i decided not to take it down, coz wouldnt tt be such a cowardly act?

besides i'm thinking, wld u like a person who's frank, or someone who's not tt honest but tells u wad u like to hear? anw for me, i 对事不对人. e damage is done, but i like u very much as a person. tts all i have to say man.

it actually amazes me how pple i dun really noe tt well actually checks out my blog. no i'm not flattered, i'm not an attention seeker (although leos love attention, i'm deviant in tt sense). In any case, mine's a boring blog so if u dun like wad u see den hmm, so b it. u cant do 1 thing to please everyone u noe?

nuff said.

on to other stuff. i do feel pretty upset tt i grew up in a different era. i try very hard, i prayed hard to ask God to not let me judge, not let me get affected, to not sit on the 'ivory tower' and think highly of ourselves, but time n again, i succumb. the flesh is weak, they say.

perhaps i shall juz resign to fate, perhaps its juz a different era. tt we happened to b brought up in tt era where it was drilled into our heads the importance of attendance. well we juz learnt it unconsciously. perhaps i care coz its juz a very sucky feeling to feel shortchanged, or to see wt or rang come down n persist despite 1 having a bad sore throat, the other visibly unwell. i rmb how rang hurt her back during intensive in yr1, yet she still came down. she cldn't row, but was made to b drummer the entire trg. i dunno if she teared while we were rowing coz she felt guilty tt all she cld do was juz b a dead weight while we carried her + tyre n rowed those oh-my-gawd sets, but i rmb tt look on her face. tt helplessness. yet there was tiz desire to come down despite her circumstances.

why so 拼命, u may ask？

stupidity..passion..desire..insecurity..sacrifice..commitment..love? i dun have the answer. it lies within each individual.

n then i find out 2 days ago tt a few pple have bad attendance due to extreme juvenile reasons. i shd have juz cut off my ears so i neednt ever have to hear such things. the worse case scenario is when i become totally indifferent abt u. tts when i simply stop caring whether u r ard or not. i'm mad, n i'm bothered, coz i still care. 我非常在乎! i'd b honest, there r a few whom i've ald stop caring abt. for tt select few, all i can say is its better tt u r gone. i dun give a sh*t no more. i know i'm very 狠心 n i wont deny it.

things will nv be the same, yes tt i noe. knowing is 1 thing, adapting to it is another. i shd really stop living in nostalgia. time to move on, cindy.

often u look back n see how much u have sacrificed, all the ties u have severed wif ur frens outside of dragonboat, n the other possibilites u could have pursued, n u pull ur hair and ask urself, 'is it worth it?'

it still is.