aftermath
right aft the paper, i had wanted so badly to go back to hall. to my room, to hide away.
i controlled, i sucked it in. "no, cindy u wait..u hear me?"
u hear me?
i wished i'd not see anyone on my way back. i juz wanted to hide away in my shell, n get back to a place where i can be alone. i didnt want anyone to see such tiz pathetic state of mine. even i didnt wanna see myself like tt. i hate e human weakness, tt state of helplessness.
and den i bumped into her.
"how's the paper?"
"screwed"
right aft tt monosyllabic word came out of my mouth, i could wait no longer. emotions vs rationality. the former took control n i was left standing there, crying in her arms.
"i wanna..go back..to my room.."
to be honest i'm juz so damn disappointed with myself, at the same time i'm struck wif a crippling fear of not being able to graduate shd i fail the module. fear..of not being able to live up to expectations. i dunno how to face myself, or the pple ard me. even myself. hence i literally locked myself in the room, lay in bed n juz let it go. let it all go.
thanx wenya. n e sweeter girl in pink. n rang. n hmm..those who asked.
give me some time to pick myself up. i'd be fine.
i hope i didnt scare the hell out of anyone. i guess, tiz is the real side of me. i'm not tt strong aft all. emotionally. who wld have known? not even myself.
i controlled, i sucked it in. "no, cindy u wait..u hear me?"
u hear me?
i wished i'd not see anyone on my way back. i juz wanted to hide away in my shell, n get back to a place where i can be alone. i didnt want anyone to see such tiz pathetic state of mine. even i didnt wanna see myself like tt. i hate e human weakness, tt state of helplessness.
and den i bumped into her.
"how's the paper?"
"screwed"
right aft tt monosyllabic word came out of my mouth, i could wait no longer. emotions vs rationality. the former took control n i was left standing there, crying in her arms.
"i wanna..go back..to my room.."
to be honest i'm juz so damn disappointed with myself, at the same time i'm struck wif a crippling fear of not being able to graduate shd i fail the module. fear..of not being able to live up to expectations. i dunno how to face myself, or the pple ard me. even myself. hence i literally locked myself in the room, lay in bed n juz let it go. let it all go.
thanx wenya. n e sweeter girl in pink. n rang. n hmm..those who asked.
give me some time to pick myself up. i'd be fine.
i hope i didnt scare the hell out of anyone. i guess, tiz is the real side of me. i'm not tt strong aft all. emotionally. who wld have known? not even myself.
posted by Cindy at
12:28 am
5 Comments:
like you, i have this fear of failing something lest not be able to graduate.. but cindy! we told ourselves to take things easier. you said to look at the other side of everything.
anyhow, i feel you should not claim this to be the human weakness. it's our strength indeed, to be able to feel. sensations. THIS is what exactly makes us humans, my dear. that we can understand emotions and experience them..
take care and you're still always in my thoughts. ;)
By
Jul*, at Fri Apr 27, 03:44:00 pm
Wow jul.. I never saw that as a strength. I guess there's some sense in it. (= I had this fear so many times when studying for the paper also. Is it a graduating syndrome? Anyway.. here's a big bear hug for all of you graduating *HUGS*
JIA YOU!!
By
Lunatic, at Fri Apr 27, 04:05:00 pm
my dear cindy you are not alone to feel this way...i guess, in some point of life we will be in the situation like wat u said, emotions vs rationality....jus hope u can be out of the shell soon and face everything in a stronger CINDY~~~~Jia You~
By
b|ue, at Fri Apr 27, 05:23:00 pm
hey, always rem this, crying in front of others is not a form of weakness yah? its a strength to be able to reveal ur vulnerable self, =)
jiayou for the coming paper on mon!! =)
By
Anonymous, at Sun Apr 29, 01:45:00 am
hey..
thanx for all the encouragement. i'm really feeling better ald.
i still believe tt 'e greatest glory is not in falling down, but rising again each time we fall'
thanx..n *hugs in return*
By
Cindy, at Sun Apr 29, 12:56:00 pm
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