the Rosary..n 6 trgs left

i've always thought tt 1 of the greatest gift u can ever give a Catholic is perhaps, the Rosary. Serene passed me smth today, and i opened up e bag only to realise it was a Rosary. Yah, believe it or not, though i'm a baptised catholic for almost 10 years, i dont have a rosary. When i received it, i was like, 'woah..'

A simple note, and e prayer book came along with it. Thankfully she purchased e prayer book. I seriously dont know how to pray the Rosary. I mean, i noe u have gotta say 5 decades, which is equals to 10 Hail Marys, and here n there yah i noe a bit, but i didnt know the exact format of how to go about. Yah, i admit, i'm a bad Catholic. Maybe not tt bad a Catholic, just tt i'm not very aware. Even Raine, who's baptised just last year, knows how to pray the Rosary. So u see, it doesnt mean tt e longer u r a Catholic, the more stuff u noe. I bet she knows more than me. That's coz i used to skip Sunday class, or even if i went i didnt quite pay attention. I hardly mixed ard with other kids. I was another self in Cathechism class. I was extremely quiet n e loner. Perhaps my lack of understanding and knowledge made me afraid to speak up. My journey to know Christ better is somewhat a personal discovery. I'm not involved in youth groups but i'm probably e 1 in e family who bothers to go church the most often. I go coz i feel there's diz desire n urge to go. Serene says she's impressed by my 'simple, innocent n consistent faith'. yah, i tink she chose the right words. I just hold firmly to this faith coz i know deep down inside, there's this feeling that what i believe in is indeed true. It's a indescribable feeling, like somehow, sometimes during Mass when i'm really down n out, i feel like i'm overwhelmed by e Holy Spirit it makes me wanna break down n cry but i usually manage to resist. Though i very well know tt i shdnt hold back, but instead, just let it go.

Anyhow, for the very first time ever, i said the Rosary. It was a nice, calm sensation. It felt..nice. Very nice. And its just my first time somemore.

Today's trg. Out of the many occasions wenting n i paced together, today was quite a record. In e sense tt, our timing went off at least 3 times and it was rather inconsistent. It used to be, when we started out pacing together, tt her timing wld be a split sec faster den mine coz i'd pull longer den her. Today it was different. Mine was a split sec faster den hers coz i recovered faster. the 2nd occasion was during a race set itself. In an attempt to jag up stroke rate aft a 7-8-9-10, our timing got out of sync for a short while. As for the 3rd occasion, i cant exactly remember what happened. Front catch. Dont get me started. Even i feel tired for the pple who remind me of my problem. I know it, i register it in my head. But i cant seem to get it right, to put it into action. I sometimes want to bring tape to just tape my punching fist to my cap.

I get frustrated. I do know tt i'm not alone, tt in e boat, all of us are battling our own inner frustrations, inner weaknesses, mistakes we wanna change. Yet like what i said when we went 1 round during debrief, i do feel excited bout the coming race. Frustrated yet excited. That's wad i feel. N its the only positive thing said when we went 1/2 e circle. I wanna feel the magical feeling that e snrs talk about. What made Boon Chin well up with tears when she recounted last yr's June Race at the dinner table last sem during our last land trg? What is this whole abstract thing that the snrs talk about? About breaking point, about feeling for each other, about rowing ur hearts out? N what made me 'woah!!' and left me speechless when i viewed the short macromedia flash in Yunshan's laptop which showed the unexpected victory last race. What exactly is it?? I want to know. No, more importantly, i want to feel. Not only to see to believe, but also to use the heart. yong xin qu gan shou, qu ti hui.

I'm not gd with words, shall leave the rest in my diary. I remembered Jul ever ended with this quote in her blog. I shall quote her. It's something like that, 'What makes me push on? It is YOU'