e post on FBT

July Race 2006.

i recalled during 1 trg aft penang, or was it b4? i was exasperated tt the team was not bonding, not feelg for each other at all. i said, 'actually my greatest worry is not tt we lose to our rival, but tt we finish a june race without feeling smth together.'

i cried b4 we went down for the PM cup. i didnt cry becoz i was afraid, why shd i even be afraid? i cried because my greatest regret is to not be able to put all 26 of my gals down. 26 rowers, or shd i say, fighters. not gg down doesnt mean u are lousier in any way; earning a seat on the boat doesnt make u better than those staying on shore. i really felt at the pt, like all 26 of us deserve to be put down. 1 of them, a v close snr, and another 3, my juniors whom i am so proud of.

Yes, maybe a mth ago, i cld easily have had 22 names in my head, n axed out 4 pple. but today, i saw in each of us, the true display of indominable fighting spirit. pple saw my reddened eye, they asked why. i drew enuf courage to just say, "i'm gonna row xtra hard for e 4 on shore."

we got 3rd for women's ivp. we werent steady enuf, i felt. i wld be lying if i said i wasnt affected by it. indeed i was. u can say wadever consoling things, like how we improved by 8sec frm the time we clocked the day b4, or tt tp have home grd advantage, or tt..

i blame no1 but ourselves. composure, the lack of it.

the guys ivps was brilliant. their charge, a coordinated pack. kinda breath-taking watching them race, n to eventually clinch 1st.

mixed ivps, it was spectacular. last yr it was the tragic 'tok!' where ntu won. this yr, we got it back. e gals mix crew came up crying. it was soo amazing, esp the last charge. really gotta commend my 11 mix crew. i noe they must have had been cursing (who hasnt been!?) when i made them go down for 6x a wk trg, but the xtra trg paid off. i think they have expanded stamina, given the no. of sets they went down for the past 2 days. gd job gals *pats back*

then it was the women's pm cup. we had ample time for preparations. meditation, focus, aggresion. 'i dun care abt ur timing, just give me the aggresiveness in every stroke' bc said.

u noe this thing abt reverse psychology? it works.

once u throw timing out the window, u become less conscious of it n hence become less uptight, coz u focus on other stuff. i'm not saying it works all the time, but it will work at the appropriate time. it turned out to be the most coordinated set ever, according to our coxwain, bc. never even during trg, or race set have it ever been tt coordinated, n aggresiveness in every stroke. this according to her, n the view frm the back. if only it can be video-ed down, i wanna see!

as a 2nd pair, geoks n my role was to b the 'brain'; to coordinate n regulate pacers pace. n of course, to help dip in n pull long. i saw geoks slip, n as a result she missed a stroke. when we recounted the incident on shore, we both laughed. everyone did. it was like this:

*geoks slipped n miss 1 stroke*
*compensate*
geoks: we up 5
me: huh?
geoks: up 5!
me: orh!

eh really i 'huh-ed' coz i cldnt hear. i focused in on bc's n lijun's voice, n she muttered coz all of us were breathless n cant shout. i only registered e 2nd time she called for an up 5, n i responded immediately.

we came in behind ntu, with a time of 5:45min. it was kinda emotional, no1 spoke a word.

we were defeated, yes we were. we did not win, no we dint.

who defines winning actually? its a whole new experience of winning, we felt like we won because we rowed tgt. like i said, if there's anything to be upset, it wld be tt u came out n u felt like u had more to give. it was truly aggresiveness frm starts to end. starts 要起 maintainence 要稳 charge 要上.

it was an emotional debrief session tt ended at 730pm, when everyone else had ald left bedok reservoir. no ah, its not a session where i intended to make everyone cry, but the ban i imposed on e team, was lifted. e PUB waterworks company decided to go full force today. i cannot control also, my emotions are coming back. i'm softening. e snrs who came back, i juz hope they have had a gd reason for being back. n did not regret coming back. had really wanted to give them a gold. e juniors, i've seen them thru a yr. once ginnas, now mature snrs. ok, getting mature, but still got room for improvment. them finally feeling it. the abstract 'it' tt we all keep talking abt.

i'm thankful for everything, its all in God's plan. us being beaten, feeling like shit aft regatta. being 6th position in ivps, last. changing coach, picking ourselves up n showing some results in mr500. gg for penang n not feeling as much a team, not bonded. tiredness setting in, almost on the verge of giving up. trg camp, pple cursing me. feeling misunderstood, rationalising expectations from both sides, and den now, july race.

i do not know who's reading my blog, but all i can say is tt losing isnt all tt bad a thing. it takes losing to know wad's winning. a new chapter has begun. we crept back up from almost ntg, to today. frm 7sec, to 3sec. teamNUS is gonna bring it back next yr.

and if u r wondering wad the hell is FBT..

Faith. Belief. Trust