sava

it came and went. ya i went to check out everyone's blog n bascially its kinda updated n there's ntg more left to say. havent exactly been free the whole mid sem break, have been out most of the time.

yah we got 4th..for grand finals. its quite 'gek' but tiz is a sport[ok many sports as well] where the milliseconds get u. its diz fraction of a sec tt determines who wins or loses, who gets 1st or 2nd, etc. for that matter, tts y everyone shd nv underestimate e significance of 1 trg. by missing 1 trg, tiz cld very b at the expense of milliseconds diff. n i'm not exaggerating here.
see..juz a mere 0.09sec can make a WHOLE lot of difference!

perhaps its e fact tt u dun feel so bad if there's more pple who r in e same situation as u, but den again, i juz feel tiz batch is less emo. n tts wad i like..hahah. no apologies to my comments man, coz i really detest seeing pple cry for the wrong reason. yes, tiz is the highly unsympathetic, heart-like-stone, cindy speaking. maybe i shd buy a 'i don't do nice' sticker as well? well, yes there's smtg tt u shd feel emotional abt when u come down for the entire day, do 3x warm up n cool down [like wtf do u even do it when u r not gonna b down anw?], serve glucose n basically b a specatator..

all i can say is tt..

it says ALOT abt ur character, when u come down for a race yet not be put down, but still feel as much for the team. N tiz means there's ntg to b upset abt. y do pple put so high a stake on diz misconception that u only feel smtg, or are only part of the team when u row? so does it mean when u dun row u r not part of us?

actually when i think back of my 1st regatta n i sit back n laugh. i juz cldnt stop crying aft a set where there's 4 1/2 pair rowing n it was juz a damn lousy set. at tt time, my rowing senses wasnt fully developed yet, but i cld at least sense the basics of wad it feels to have a gd set, rowing properly kinda thing? the hillarious thing is once i started, i cldnt stop. it was juz the heats, but i took it like such a bad blow. it really left an 阴影.. n it was my 1 first race. wad a way to have a virgin race experience. i rmb how mona was 1/2 scolding 1/2 saying, 'cindy! ur tears 免费 one isit?' n i was choking back, trying to suck it up. it was damn paiseh. bc was e same boat for tt set. she controlled it better when she came up, although her eyes were reddened. but i rmb aft seeing me in such a pathetic state, she said, 'can u stop it? show some sportsmanship can?' tough love approach, but it worked. i wouldnt b able to pinpoint if i was cryign for the wrong reason, or wad. but anw, i juz look back n realise tt perhaps, tts y my tear ducts r dry now. coz i used up all of it in e past. n now u might be thinking, am i kidding u? the heartless chap with waterworks non-stop?? no, i'm not.

it's kinda nice to hear wad the yr 1s had to say. like hamizah, n liming. abt wanting to work hard to earn a seat, n the realisation of e importance of trg. i think mich talked abt respect n abt how we've also earned theirs. i'm touched by wad she said but actually, i feel that respect most importantly, comes frm within. n i still continue to believe that we r not fighting against our rivals but mainly, against ourselves.

anw, back to sava. usually the highlight is on day 2. day 1, i felt abit lack of love..but aft i raised some issues, there was a change in everyone's attitude on day 2.

actually the thing tt rang in my head thruout day 2 was wad vic said in e past, 'confidence n composure' cleared the heats, den the semis, n got into grand finals. also qualified for supercup. tear jerking moments was def. when lj came up n den broke down coz our boat started off slanted [45deg right] as she felt it was her fault. [no it isnt ok?] we got 2nd for e semis coz everyone juz went all out, against all odds. no doubt it muz have been a big scare cum traumatising moment for her, but i felt she kinda 长大了aft e set. fine i admit, i was kinda teary-eyed when i came up n did e cool down. coz i recounted wad happened n it juz goes to show how we badly wanted to earn back e respect. n to fight. do it. juz had the myriad of many emotions exploding inside me, all at the same time. the thought of us displaying indominable fighting spirit, n frankly, the limitless things e human spirit is capable of achieving.

actually, i just feel that when we fall, the only way back is up. and up is where we r heading towards. i'm juz kinda relieved tt certain things we did, though v 狠心, we still executed it. if not for tt, perhaps we wld have taken more 怨枉路. it didnt take us 1 mth to have this results. to me i'd say, we took 1 yr. 1 bloody long yr.

anyhow, this is soo not over yet. come regatta, we'd be even much stronger.

surely, winning isnt everything. (but u noe wad?) Wanting to win is.

Maybe someday when i leave the team, my motivation may no longer be wanting to win. As for now, it remains. rang n i ever did talk abt, tt even if there's at least just 1 person on the boat who do not have tt urge to win, the rest of the boat would be in jeopardy.

it's really great to have the snrs come back. bc, geoks, zy, twin(!), mona, vic, cheez. thx for coming down. though there was quite a few 'hangoverrr' moments as we talked abt certain stuff. the things we put up with sometimes. the audacity.. hor? anw its a very nice feeling to have geoks help me adjust the lifejacket, or twin's hug, etc all those small gesture means so much.

i watched the video clip geoks took of us for the super cup. it was ratherr heart wrenching.

that's 1 down..4 to go.