heartbroken
i forced myself not to cry today. went to the prayer room @st francis church wif my brother today. Ironically,it was he who requested me to bring him there, hence i accompanied him. Sat beside him n as i was praying beside him, i heard him sniffing.
being the usual insensitive me, i shrugged it off n convinced myself tt he was merely having a cold. n den i carried on praying.
"pls lord..if it really is tt my brother is crying, grant me ur gifts to comfort him n let the words flow frm within"
i turned over, n i saw my brother crying. it was a heart-wrenching sight to see a grown man drowning in tears, reduced to such a pathetic state. i've nv seen him so vulnerable b4. i rmb my brother teasing me b4, 'cindy, the day i c u cry..i'd also cry' he said tiz coz he noes tt his little sister is a tough cookie. or at least, tt's e impression he gets of me.
i was wrong to think tt he has gotten over e break up. so wrong. i extended my hand to him n touch him, coz i know as humans, we yearn for tt reassuring touch. however i cant help but feel awkward abt it, coz as siblings, we aren't tt close. somehow we nv quite confide in each other ever since young. all i rmb abt my childhood days wif him was alot of rough fighting, kicking n biting. i rmb him calling me stupid n me actually being convinced tt i am indeed stupid. i always told myself i'd work twice as hard as my brother n be better than him, coz he had the advantage of being smart. wad i lacked, i had to compensate wif hardwork so as to outdo him. perhaps, it's a 2nd child syndrome. we shared alot of stuff btn each other, except our problems.
but it really pained me to feel tt helpless once again. i really feel tt i'm a bad consoler. i suck coz i really cant find the right words to say. all i cld do was to say a hurried prayer, "Lord pls help me find the right words. let me b ur instrument to reach out to him "
wad my bro said whilst sobbing remained clearly etched in my mind. "Cindy, y is God so unfair? Why has He robbed me of my spirit? I'm a totally different person now. I'm no longer funny. Even my frens realised i'm not the same ben tt they noe of. I'm robbed of all happiness. Why did she betray my trust? I'm a person with no soul..my spirit is gone. My heart hurts, literally."
Upon hearing tt, i felt so sad. I was choked. I didnt noe wad to say to comfort him. all i cld say was, 'I think..there's a reason y things happen n it's not for us to question y. i'm sure He has smtg better planned for u. u juz..gotta believe.' i tried v hard not to cry coz at tt pt, i knew i had a duty. to comfort him. to give support. not the other way round.
He's really a changed person. Robbed of lameness. No longer funny.
But he doesnt nd me, he nds God. i can only pray for him to cling firmly to his faith amidst all these adversities.
guess he wont see tiz, but i hope he realises tt even though i'm an absent sis, always MIA frm home, i still care alot for tiz family n for him as well. once again, all i can do is to juz sit n watch him drown in tears. he's not the only one wif probs. i can only pray tt the pple who have told me of their probs in quivering voices, in sniffs n tears, will receive healing n strength.
being the usual insensitive me, i shrugged it off n convinced myself tt he was merely having a cold. n den i carried on praying.
"pls lord..if it really is tt my brother is crying, grant me ur gifts to comfort him n let the words flow frm within"
i turned over, n i saw my brother crying. it was a heart-wrenching sight to see a grown man drowning in tears, reduced to such a pathetic state. i've nv seen him so vulnerable b4. i rmb my brother teasing me b4, 'cindy, the day i c u cry..i'd also cry' he said tiz coz he noes tt his little sister is a tough cookie. or at least, tt's e impression he gets of me.
i was wrong to think tt he has gotten over e break up. so wrong. i extended my hand to him n touch him, coz i know as humans, we yearn for tt reassuring touch. however i cant help but feel awkward abt it, coz as siblings, we aren't tt close. somehow we nv quite confide in each other ever since young. all i rmb abt my childhood days wif him was alot of rough fighting, kicking n biting. i rmb him calling me stupid n me actually being convinced tt i am indeed stupid. i always told myself i'd work twice as hard as my brother n be better than him, coz he had the advantage of being smart. wad i lacked, i had to compensate wif hardwork so as to outdo him. perhaps, it's a 2nd child syndrome. we shared alot of stuff btn each other, except our problems.
but it really pained me to feel tt helpless once again. i really feel tt i'm a bad consoler. i suck coz i really cant find the right words to say. all i cld do was to say a hurried prayer, "Lord pls help me find the right words. let me b ur instrument to reach out to him "
wad my bro said whilst sobbing remained clearly etched in my mind. "Cindy, y is God so unfair? Why has He robbed me of my spirit? I'm a totally different person now. I'm no longer funny. Even my frens realised i'm not the same ben tt they noe of. I'm robbed of all happiness. Why did she betray my trust? I'm a person with no soul..my spirit is gone. My heart hurts, literally."
Upon hearing tt, i felt so sad. I was choked. I didnt noe wad to say to comfort him. all i cld say was, 'I think..there's a reason y things happen n it's not for us to question y. i'm sure He has smtg better planned for u. u juz..gotta believe.' i tried v hard not to cry coz at tt pt, i knew i had a duty. to comfort him. to give support. not the other way round.
He's really a changed person. Robbed of lameness. No longer funny.
But he doesnt nd me, he nds God. i can only pray for him to cling firmly to his faith amidst all these adversities.
guess he wont see tiz, but i hope he realises tt even though i'm an absent sis, always MIA frm home, i still care alot for tiz family n for him as well. once again, all i can do is to juz sit n watch him drown in tears. he's not the only one wif probs. i can only pray tt the pple who have told me of their probs in quivering voices, in sniffs n tears, will receive healing n strength.
posted by Cindy at
12:30 am
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