Chinese New Year

spent the whole of ytd spring cleaning.

spring cleaning is such a CHORE!

i had no choice but to throw out some stuff. Crescent left me with loads of souvenirs: valentines' day, international friendship day, my birthday..lotsa stuff. Souvenirs frm ikea, alot of soft toys, etc.

Had no choice but to throw away this softtoy, a big white teddy bear, coz it was occupying quite alot of space and collecting dust in my cupboard. And some other souvenirs from erm..admirers, n wad nots.

Souvenirs frm close friends, dun worry. It's intact. Just needed to wipe the dust off everything and it left me dead tired. i'd rather train 4hrs den spring clean!

Went visiting today. the comments tt i received, well i dunnoe if i shd be happy or sad abt it, but i really dun care? Comments frm relatives included:

"y r u so black!?"
"cindy, u 缩水 is it?"

how ironic tt e 2nd comment came frm this uncle of mine who for the past 3-4yrs have perpetually commented tt i was fat, year in year out. Have i shrank??

Latest update included realising tt my cousin, Nicholas, is in NPDB. We hardly talked in e past few yrs, but this year we had quite alot of common topics to talk abt, mainly, as u'd guess, abt db.

I'm wondering if it's juz me or is it that CNY has somehow lost its festive mood and exuberance? Perhaps i have long grown out of the excitement that used to come with a deep anticipation for the ang pows. Now i juz simply leave aside the ang pows i've collected and only open them up aft a few days. Not wif any tinge of excitment. it's juz a routine kinda thing.

For my dad's side, we somehow stopped having reunion dinners aft my paternal grandfather passed away when i was pri 3. i didnt get to see my paternal grandmother at all as she passed away even b4 i was born. She died of breast cancer. anw, this somehow is a reason y i show interest in the breast cancer survivors dragonboat team. Somehow the whole Tay HQ thing crumbled and no1 ever took the initiative[my dad or my uncles] to plan a reunion dinner for the Tay side, which i think is a great pity.

Maybe its because many from the older generation, who are the ones who insists on CNY traditions to upkeep and all, have left us.. and this somehow disintegrates the extended family. Sadly, it's the extended family tt the CNY mood hinges upon to make it lively, exuberant, exciting.

went for a run in the evening. tried this new mtd of running, where i twist my body more, but ended having stitches. left, right, centre. e only reason why i managed to shave 2min off my usual time this time rd was coz the pain was unbearable and i had wanted to get it over n done with asap, hence i completed the run in quick time.

been doing quite alot of thinking these few days. 6yrs on..
[photo withdrawn due to certain circumstances]

where are my platoon mates and wad r they doing now? this is but a fraction of the 27 of us who eventually ORD in 2001. a photo taken in sec 2 aft speech day. [everyone looks hideous here btw]

serene, sue ann, melissa: SMU
weili, kaiyan, lipin: SIM
jul, myself: NUS
weining: canoe polo N-team.
fizah, rhino: not sure..but i think they shd have graduated frm poly by now
liyan: should be working
wahida: got married in 2005
fizoh: died in a car accident

when u leave ncc, its not e commands tt u'd remember, nor the way ur badges is supposed to be aligned with the 2nd button of ur no. 3 blouse, neither is it the terms of trade: 5 push ups for every late comer; 10 push ups if beret touch ground; 50 push ups if cap badge touch ground. It's abt the bloody tekan-ing sessions tt we endured, the funny moments, those classic moments. or the time when the commando parachuted down with the CGS flag flying in e wind during ncc day parade. how we were filled with pride to see our sch flag flying magnificently in the sky.

i think more importantly, we remember the people. the ones who went thru shit wif us for 4 years.

Sometimes i juz wonder how's everyone now, aft we bade farewell to one another Nth years ago.

my blog turns 1 today

happy birthday daddy!

was kinda nice meeting denise for lunch today at sci-ence. bumped into zy and she was wondering y she keeps seeing me in sci-ence. Ok, i am here for the food! I have no feelings left for any buildings/LTs/lecturers/tutors in science, its juz the food and some impt pple tt makes me come back. for instance, aft swimming wif wendy, we'd choose to eat in sci-ence. she'll go for her wanton mee while i go for my usual.
That's coz the food here is nice. No doubt abt it.

there's always something to smile/laugh abt when we sit down tgt to talk. We'll break out in laughter almost every few minutes coz we laugh at each others antics, else it wld be the comments we make. Because of that, i will always be remembered as the 'noisy one' or the 'one who kept laughing' during our fun row. attending church wif her is quite a challenge coz we'd nudge at each other n contain our laughter when we see funny lectors, or choir members with very nasal voice.

i begin to think abt the paths we've chosen to take in our nus life. she chose CSS; i chose dragonboat. if it isnt db, my opportunity cost wld either be CSS or ODAC. Btw, CSS-Catholic Students' Society.

i feel like she has advanced closer to God, while i havent. her faith is more solid than mine, that's for sure. am i a devout catholic??

despite the fact tt i abstain frm meat on fri, say a prayer in e morning n b4 i go to bed, attend mass twice a week, say grace b4 i take my food, pray the rosary..somehow i still feel spiritually empty. have i lost my way?

it's one of those times where u stop and look back to see how far u've walked. though we all began at the same start line.

i am not in any way bemoaning the fact tt i'm here at this present state. for better or for worse.

been for my 1st tutorial today. ec2101 mircoeconomic analysis. it's pretty 'amazing' tt i'm seeing so much maths in econs. Lagrange multiplier, Cobbs Douglas Function. Wendy save me!

Nah, i can handle it. Come what may..I'm ready. I noe who to go to if i nd help in maths.

i met my bro juz now. No, not my blood related bro, but bro. We talked over the phone, i asked him how's things and then he said he'll come over to pass me the 林俊杰 cd. he remembered tt i kept inisting him to buy me tt cd. The elevator doors opened, i walked out.

Him: Hey, happy new year.
Me: same to u..
Him: Here's the cd
Me: thanks, bro.

all i can remember when the elevator door closed was this, 'dun cry because its over, smile because it happened.'

i didnt cry. u noe i dun cry. Just this tinge of sadness. if there's a thing tt sets apart the humane and inhumane, it is the heart.

一千年以后

Externalities

I cannot resist boasting of one trick that i used to assure that students would get to class on time. At the second meeting of the class, one or more students would invariably come in late. When each did so, I would stop the person and say something like, "If you come in late, you impose costs on all other members in the class. If you simply stay away, you impose costs only on yourself. Hereafter, if you cant arrive on time, why don't you simply skip the class?" By that device, I assured prompt attendance and also implcitly taught a fundamental economic concept: external effects.

-Milton Friedman

And you noe what i am talking about huh? Something i got from my lecture notes. Very able to relate to the concept. If wad u read actually strike a chord, it's high time u do smth abt it. If not..

tables r turned [updated]

Now the tables are turned. 2-3 yrs ago, my relatives wld say this, 'aiyoh cindy y u so fat?' and to my brother, 'benjamin so muscular, so fit!'

Today it was quite hillarious. My grandma said in cantonese, 'cindy lei sao zhor hou dor wor. lei ge min sao hou dor!' which meant cindy u lost a lot of weight esp on ur face.

Then she looked at my bro, and said..'benjamin zou meh lei fei zhor!?' which meant benjamin y did u put on weight?

Den she was saying the weight i lost is gained by my brother coz he looks rounder on his face now.

So much for all the taunting 2 yrs ago huh benjamin tay? I remembered how tt irritating bro of mine used to snigger when my relatives commented tt i was erm, fat. Now who's the one..

Today i took a closer look at my brother. Yah his face is indeed rounder. Or maybe its coz he juz cut his hair? I'm not too sure.

Ytd was our dear vice-capt's 21st bdae celebration. yirang, happy bdae in advance yah? Great theme man, but seriously, was kinda paiseh walking ard boon lay interchange in crescent uniform. I put on my own size 17 blouse[e only one which i didnt give away] n it looked really baggy on me. Erm the skirt was kinda loose? Anyway when i stared in the mirror, i was thinking, 'y do i look so.. *****y?' I seriously think i shrank aft leaving crescent coz e blouse was kinda humongous.

Anyway, it's really great tt everyone who went was really spontaneous and we all followed the theme, despite feeling kinda erm..paiseh to be walking ard in our uniform. Yah and the speech was really sweet. Something very personal tt u shared wif us all, bout how u felt and all. Chin up yah? U r strong la!

making her speech

our new twin pose!

look how wendy n i always manage to squeeze in tt T pose into every picture..haha

looking gd in yellow n blue.

Managed to attend church wif my family today, aft sleeping 4hrs. As a result i dozed off during mass. Damn shagged. Another incident of clearing up e mess. Y am i one of those slightly light headed ones who can still clear up? History always repeat itself. ALWAYS. Twin, u better mean wad u say! We've[wenting n i] decided tt for our 21st bdae, we shall have minimal booze and instead have a chocolate fondue machine. The machine will be kept outta sight coz we'd probably be hogging it all the time. wahaha

I really like this quote tt i got frm church today.

Prevent Truth Decay. Brush up on the Bible

It's really apt and carries alot of truth in it.

i think i look damn gd in my crescent uniform. heh

cant believe i was ironing my uniform an hr ago. tt yellow blouse and turquoise blue skirt. For a moment it felt like a sunday, coz in e past i'd be ironing my uniform and preparing for sch the next day.

Then i pinned my nametag. TAY CINDY

My sch badge. Vice Chairman Crescent Girls School (Somehow i lost the original one with no Vice Chairman attached to it..argh)

And lastly, my NCC collar pin.

My gosh, all of a sudden, i was filled wif immensed pride. Honour and Glory. Crescent NCC

It felt so gd..

And all of a sudden i felt like parade commanding. wahahaha

BARIS SEDIA!!

I think its true that being in a uniform transform you into another person. Cheez, if u r gg tmr, we sing u a belated bdae song..Crescent style k?

the thing abt living under the same roof with 2 of my other team mates..

wenting got IT ytd, and i got IT today. Think jul will get IT tmr. when one gets it the others arent spared.

its really funny how they bet tt i'd probably not be able to wake up this morning to go for a run. in e end i woke up lor, at 630am, aft my 2 alarms went off 1 aft the other. And so we went for a morning run at 645am.

Now u may ask y we woke up so early to run? Thats coz initially we decided on a midnight run, but den backed outta it coz we got a lil too tired ytd nite.

at 0645, its a lil chilly. almost pitch dark but enuf light to see. the weather's perfect. the air is cool and there's morning dew on the leaves. there are very little cars on the road. we have NOT woken up yet..still a lil groggy.

we decide on the 2.2km route. We meet our very 1st slope, the YIH one. Believe me when i say ur muscles arent tt warmed up in the morning. Quads felt like it was taking some time to respond to the slope..hahaha. anyway, amidst all the whining tt its so early and all, i think morning runs left us all very refreshed. Ready for lect at 8am, and tt includes taking a bath and eating breakfast b4 tt. All in a day's work.

i'm so sure i'd not gain weight in my hostel stay. heh

there's this really weird person who called me ytd saying he knows me and i gave him my hp no. Like..HUH? Ignore. If i find out who tt person is, he better watch out. I'm in no mood for a prank like this.

happy birthday iso!

THE rudder

Hey everyone, i've got an announcement to make.

I CAN COX!

Yah, like finally.

aft a gruelling 1hr 30min with my hands on the rudder, my left hand nearly cramped up. But yes, in case u are wondering, i can cox straight ok? And i can multi task as well.

Of course it didnt come easy. In fact the gals had endurance trg today. shant elaborate further on tt. Needless to say, the 1st say 1/2hr..circles are so in the fashion. [iso i can hear u laughing frm 12000 miles away]

Subsequently, aft like 1hr with geoks teaching me the ropes, i got it. N i didnt need supervision. hah

thanks peeps, for all the jiayous and encouragement.

so officially, i've covered all parts on the boat. drummer, pacer, front pack, mid pack, back pack, and finally..coxwain. ;]

u shd really catch the 9pm show on channel 8. its really gd.. missed ytd's episode coz i chose to have dinner wif the gals aft trg.

and so my daily activity includes: sitting in front of deedee to watch 爱的掌门人 daily in hostel. jul says i scare her when i burst out in laughter occasionally. That's my social life for u.

Mum called me last night and started emptying her sorrows to me. It's true tt absence makes the heart grow fonder. Now she msg me sweet sms-es daily to check out if i'm alright. She called and talked to me at like 1230. When i was at home we seldom talk coz i'd be in my room. hey, but my room is always open for walk-in ok?

Anyway, i think she's menopausing. She IS menopausing. ytd she experienced some work related stress and she was telling me how she's not able to cope. den she started crying over the phone. Then i was like, 'dun worry man..mummy, everything will be fine ok?' Believe me, when u hear me talk to my mum, it seem like i'm talking to a friend.

I just advised her tt if she's really unhappy and all, shd juz resign. Anyway Benjamin and I will graduate next yr n we can start to support the family. I juz worry bout my mum sometimes.

Now i juz hope i can graduate faster so i can come out to work soon. Then mummy can juz sit and play mahjong all day. She's still insisting tt i take up driving lessons coz she promised to sponsor[no, i didnt ask for it], but will any daughter want to take up driving at this kinda state? Hope to find a part-time job to help finance some expenses. Shant be choosy, shall juz go give tuition if i get a lobang. I juz wanna study hard but depending on situation, even if i'm given a chance to take honours, i'd seriously consider.

hostel

officially moved in ytd. 1st night was rather gd, had a full 7hrs sleep. woke up and hoped to go for a morning run but it was still raining and my flu didnt permit me to do anything silly.

the room is sparkling clean, all thanks to some really gd men, and women ard. Think greatest credit goes to jul's dad who really made sure every single corner has no spack of dust whatsoever on it. thanks uncle chua.

its so clean i can kiss the floor!-quote from jul.

had 2 lects today, cant believe i dozed off. i cannot forgive myself for doing so, since i had no reason for it. Cmon, i had 7 full hrs of sleep. furthermore, it cant be the decolgen[flu tabs] since i took them in the morning aft breakfast. my lect was at 12pm for gdness sake! by then i shdnt be feeling drowsy.

the hostel is officially my 2nd home. have this cosy corner where i can pray/reflect. and i must say, hostel brings out the clean side of me. nv seen myself so clean at home b4, now my stuff are all so tidied up. i'm turning into a neat freak. hah

Of all days to forget to bring my nike white cap, i happily 'chose' today. the rain was coming in all directions and splattering into my eyes..MY EYES. ok its not a stinging pain like the seawater does, but it hurts yah!? Prolonged splattering for almost like 2hrs or so..my eyes so darn hurt. Today's weather reminds me of our very 1st fun row. I remembered aft the end of fun row, we[jul maybeline me n denise] left sdba, and b4 we knew it, it started pouring! N it really poured like cats n dogs, monkeys n baboons..u get the idea. It was like the scene frm 'the day after tomorrow'

the day after tomorrow..where will U be?

Some no. you'd find handy and shd save in ur hp: 65427788 [weather station]

Woke up this morning at 6, intended to meet wenting earlier to run b4 trg, but the weather seemed all too nice to snug in nicely in bed. Yah it was raining. So 1st thing i did was call the weather stn, checked out the forecast for next 3hrs. Looks like the plan to run is thwarted by the ongoing showers across island.

For all the times when there's no rain in kallang[u noe how 神奇 it is tt it hardly rains in kallang?], today i recognised the idea of COMPENSATE. It rained non-stop the WHOLE DAY in kallang SDBA. i'm not sure if it did for the other parts in s'pore, but juz in sdba itself, it was a non-stop vicious pour. finally, raine has spoken. heh ;]

i realise tt now i cant even think to myself this thought: 'i think i havent fallen sick for quite some time.' the consequence is tt the very next moment, i come down with a slight flu. argh, wtf.

cold, hungry and wet. if there's a need to give 3 words to describe how's trg today. Lunch-ed wif yirang at the 24-hr coffee shop near grace's house aft trg. was as if we were in some really cold ctry. when my bowl of steaming hot mee hoon kuey came, i wrapped my hands ard the bowl to warm myself. went for a 2nd rd aft our main course. Damn satisfying. Proteins[tau kuah], carbohydrates[potato] all reloaded. we ate indian rojak.

fri nite saw me climbing with qianyi. it's amazing how obs[ncc] brought us together. it juz took the high ropes course [double dangle duo] for our friendship to click. what's even more amazing is tt it's really such a small world. apparently yirang and wenting also noes her. i find rock climbing very theraputic indeed, it tests u on a certain level of problem solving skills. if 1 tile seems nice to grip but turns out otherwise, or if 1 tile is too unstable for u to place ur weight on it, then u have gotta alter ur route in order to ascend to the top. N lastly, when u feel so freaking drained but u are almost reaching the top, u'd juz need tt giant leap of faith, must 敢敢来. aft completing 10 lanes, my fingers felt too weak to sms.

i strongly believe tt happiness is a matter of how u look at it. Likewise, gd vs not-so-gd news. I am somehow more at peace with myself, and with how things are, now that i address u as bro instead of..

i'd prefer u as e person who stands at the spectator crowd supporting me, instead of e one who frowns at my spending too much time on things tt u think dun matter.

u deserve better ;] thanks..bro

look who's back

no need for further elaboration huh? yah, she's the surprise tt i was talking abt. Cheeky gal, walau come back ald nv tell us. Mon at the end of trg, yirang came and told me, 'Cindy i've got a surprise for u..' and i kept badgering her to tell me wad was it.

while we proceeded to raffles city subway for lunch, yirang asked, 'cindy can accompany me go toilet?' and i agreed. Something was very fishy indeed. i went to the toilet, and not long aft tt, my phone rang. 'Wenting calling' flashed on my hp.

N den i juz couldnt stop smiling during lunch.

So i planned for the sakae treat the following day, tues nite. We 3 wld meet up for dinner, i suggested sakae. the treat tt i owe them NOT by choice but by chance. Seriously crapped like mad over dinner, and filled each other in with wad happened over the 6mths. Mainly, it was back to our laugh-at-each-other-for-stupidity days. For instance, here goes:

Wenting: i had wanted to surprise u all by appearing for my 1st trg, but i realised i cant coz i dunnoe when's the day and wad time is trg.

Both: wahahah

Aft tt we proceeded to Swensens for dessert. i love to be with pple who dun like whipped cream, coz it means i can have it all for myself. ;]

had land trg today. ran 6km, someone's legendary 'puking' route. following we did gym and personally, i think i dun nd to tell the whole world how's trg today coz tt's supposed to be said during debrief. it was a gd trg, nice one there gals. lunch was at where else but sci-ence, and yah, katsu.

I think no1 is more excited bout me moving into hostel than my mum. She's really making me laugh so hard with her antics. She's being overzealous, thinking i'll need like a mini fridge, tv, electric kettle, erm..abalone? haha she said i cld have abalone to cook with instant noodles.

"Girl ah, u noe these 2 nights i cant sleep well coz i'm worried bout u staying in hostel. It feels as if u are marrying out of the family."

Like seriously... -_-"

I dunnoe if i shd feel thankful for being so loved, or? N she wanna pop by next tues to see wad's it like. Den i quipped, 'Mummy u think its tekong visit ah? do u also wanna see how we train?' Anyway i agreed to let her come check it out, to ease her mind abt everything n know tt i'm fine. Like hello, i'm so much more independent than she ever thought i was la. Dad just seemed a lil quiet; i think he's gonna miss me ard in the house. Though i'm ald not always at home most of the time.

U noe wad? I think i'm gonna be home-sick. Anyway, if anyone of u wanna bunk in, most welcome. But house rules ah, Jul and I are early sleepers and will be extremely agitated shd anyone wants to jio us go for supper *too often*. Midnight runs are an exception though ;] Apart frm tt, welcome to Blk D, OKR. Gotta count my blessings for we've got a room, and i like Blk D coz its so near YIH, my fav hangout. To me, staying in campus means being much more focused, more OTOT gym/run/swim, more time studying, less time traveling. A brand new sem, brand new yr. Start well, end well.

i like surprises ;]

was at kallang stn today, while waiting for huibing and yuen ching to come out frm the toilet, my eyes chanced upon the spot tt i used to sit and wait for the others to come. trg wld start at 9am during intensive trg pd, wenting n i wld meet at 8am at the steps.

the same spot where cheez wld wait for meiping, or the other way rd.

i like tt spot! the steps tt has this metal railing where i'd rest my paddle against. but strange as it seems, a snr pointed this out to me: yr1 u wait for everyone to come; subsequently u stop waiting and go str8 to sdba first to help fill bottles, tie rudder.

i shall continue to remember this; that if He puts u to it, He will see u thru it.

a new yr

came home, settled down. walked into my parents room, den i told my dad, 'daddy, i'm elected captain of the dragonboat team'

Guess his reaction?

"aiyoh..why like tt!?"
.
.
.
"who sabo-ed u?"

And i was still practising in front of wenya n jul at city hall station, how to go abt telling. Judging from his response, I decided not to add tt i've been for like 1 semester ald. So u see, sometimes ignorance is a bliss. Damn, maybe i shdnt have said la.

"so being capt means u must go down for ALL trgs?"

Me: "even if i'm not one, i still have to go down for ALL trgs"

dun really wanna go into the snapshots of 2005 thing. ok, maybe juz a few pics, in chronological order of wad happened for 2005.

MR500
my very first experience as pacer in mr500. paced with angeline. mr500 also marked the start of the twin legacy..with a white cap. ;]

Penang
pacer, but this time rd with wenting in penang. the case of the dropping adidas cap, scrongie, and paddle.

July Race
we the junior pacers. jul raine wenting n i came tgt b4 we got down on the ivp boat. we had to win smth, to give the snrs a farewell present tt they'll be proud of. souvenirs aplenty, the bar set very high with a record no. of souvenirs made

Tianjin
bonding. a very shiok feeling[tip of the iceberg] for the last charge to attain 2nd place

Sava
realised the importance of continuity. enuf said.

due to a camera ban this regatta, and partly the fact tt photos have yet to be circulated, and also the fact tt ixus 400 hasnt made its appearance nowadays, etc-anyway u get the idea- i do not have a team photo for this regatta.

needless to say, and strange as it sounds coz it's coming from my mouth[coz apparently i dun give the impression tt i'm a person who gives hugs or say mushy stuff], i have to admit that like jul, i really miss u all.

My greatest 遗憾 is that i gave some pple, some whom i regard as very close, the idea that i dont want them back. Maybe thru the words i've said, or the tone, or?? Anyhow, I juz gave the idea. it's really an 遗憾. But i really nv wanted it to mean tt way.

For my lack of correct words or action. Damn.

If you really miss it that much, den wads stopping u? Impossible is nothing.

one of my regrets of 2005.