and so..it came n went

mid sem break nv feels like one..

monday: went for the forum, there aft watched 'singapore dreaming' with lijun, angeline n rang. pretty depressing show, its quite realistically portrayed. ok, maybe a lil over-dramatised?

tuesday: db outing @sentosa. unsuccessful attempt in playing volleyball so i commentated instead. i'm nt gd in volleyball, n my wrist freaking hurts when i serve the ball. there's a different element of fun tiz time, basically its juz diff pple doing diff stuff. was thinking wld it have been more fun if it was a chalet? maybe yes..n no. these days everyone's so bz, there's hardly any spare time left? i dunno man.
on e bus. tiz pic..hmm

the frisbee team

having fun with watermelons

karyn n sarah

shampoo ad anyone? hahah

wednesday: studied in sch with twin @central lib. aft which we went to watch 'imagine me n u' at cine with wenting n geoks. it's a v sweet show. pretty romantic, yet at the same time its quite humourous.

Plot Outline: A newlywed bride becomes infatuated with another woman whom questions her sexual orientation promoting a stir among the bride's family and friends.

Quotes

Heck: You know I want you to be happy. And more than anything, I wanted to be the cause of happiness in you.

i find the guy v magnanimous, shdnt love be smtg like tt? he let her go aft realising his newly wed wife has fallen for a woman. it's like, awww man. so sweet. as much as wt n i felt it was a pity , coz tt guy[heck] is quite charming but the gal left him for another woman

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rachel: What does the lily mean?
Luce: The lily means...
[pause]
Luce: The lily means, "I dare you to love me".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yah anw it's romance comedy, my type of show. rated R21, but u shd go watch it. it's juz sexual themes but other than tt, there's ntg 'sexual' abt it. hah juz b4 the show, i was ald humming the song, 'imagine me n u', n wad do u noe? the song was played in the show as well.

Imagine me n u and u and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It meant to be
The other one for me is u, and u for me
So happy together

I cant see me loving nobody but u
For all my life..

Thursday: trg..wahh. damn shagged, left arm hurt like mad. muscle ached n it felt v clogged up in 1 chunk. too much lactic acid build up man! but i like, n its gonna be worth it. went to give tuition, aft which proceeded to bugis for clique outing. camera's only capture the gd moments, it hardly presents the not-so-nice side. i dunno how to elaborate further. i juz feel, if this is it, den we'd just have to accept it. i'm pretty ok with it, n they were shocked at my not-shocked response.

she: cindy, i wanna tell u smtg..*says*
me: orh, hmm ok.
she: aren't u shocked!?
me: not really

i juz feel, all of us r in e pursuit of being happy, so personally i'm pretty open abt it. weili said i got tiz 变态 smile during dinner.i wanna clarify tt its not a psychotic smile. it's juz a smile tt set in due to tiredness accumulated frm trg, as well as somewhat an 'ok' feelg inside me.

i guess, i juz dun wanna have any conflict. it's probably 8-9 yrs since we've known each other, perhaps tiz is a test of the friendship? i dun wanna see u cry, but i can understand the emotions involved. wad defines normal is just a social construct. i wont comment further. i juz hope tt given time, things will heal.
weili n jul

jul n wee

ky n me

pictures usually show the happier side of things but nv the sad ones

Friday: right eye swelled. went to see UHWC doc, she said it's an eye infection. damn painful each time i blinked. i realised its a pimple on my eyelid! heatiness i think..couldnt study as a result coz my eyes were really killing me. nonetheless, i went to grandma's house coz it's been a really long time since i went to see her.

and so..there goes my mid term break.

sava

it came and went. ya i went to check out everyone's blog n bascially its kinda updated n there's ntg more left to say. havent exactly been free the whole mid sem break, have been out most of the time.

yah we got 4th..for grand finals. its quite 'gek' but tiz is a sport[ok many sports as well] where the milliseconds get u. its diz fraction of a sec tt determines who wins or loses, who gets 1st or 2nd, etc. for that matter, tts y everyone shd nv underestimate e significance of 1 trg. by missing 1 trg, tiz cld very b at the expense of milliseconds diff. n i'm not exaggerating here.
see..juz a mere 0.09sec can make a WHOLE lot of difference!

perhaps its e fact tt u dun feel so bad if there's more pple who r in e same situation as u, but den again, i juz feel tiz batch is less emo. n tts wad i like..hahah. no apologies to my comments man, coz i really detest seeing pple cry for the wrong reason. yes, tiz is the highly unsympathetic, heart-like-stone, cindy speaking. maybe i shd buy a 'i don't do nice' sticker as well? well, yes there's smtg tt u shd feel emotional abt when u come down for the entire day, do 3x warm up n cool down [like wtf do u even do it when u r not gonna b down anw?], serve glucose n basically b a specatator..

all i can say is tt..

it says ALOT abt ur character, when u come down for a race yet not be put down, but still feel as much for the team. N tiz means there's ntg to b upset abt. y do pple put so high a stake on diz misconception that u only feel smtg, or are only part of the team when u row? so does it mean when u dun row u r not part of us?

actually when i think back of my 1st regatta n i sit back n laugh. i juz cldnt stop crying aft a set where there's 4 1/2 pair rowing n it was juz a damn lousy set. at tt time, my rowing senses wasnt fully developed yet, but i cld at least sense the basics of wad it feels to have a gd set, rowing properly kinda thing? the hillarious thing is once i started, i cldnt stop. it was juz the heats, but i took it like such a bad blow. it really left an 阴影.. n it was my 1 first race. wad a way to have a virgin race experience. i rmb how mona was 1/2 scolding 1/2 saying, 'cindy! ur tears 免费 one isit?' n i was choking back, trying to suck it up. it was damn paiseh. bc was e same boat for tt set. she controlled it better when she came up, although her eyes were reddened. but i rmb aft seeing me in such a pathetic state, she said, 'can u stop it? show some sportsmanship can?' tough love approach, but it worked. i wouldnt b able to pinpoint if i was cryign for the wrong reason, or wad. but anw, i juz look back n realise tt perhaps, tts y my tear ducts r dry now. coz i used up all of it in e past. n now u might be thinking, am i kidding u? the heartless chap with waterworks non-stop?? no, i'm not.

it's kinda nice to hear wad the yr 1s had to say. like hamizah, n liming. abt wanting to work hard to earn a seat, n the realisation of e importance of trg. i think mich talked abt respect n abt how we've also earned theirs. i'm touched by wad she said but actually, i feel that respect most importantly, comes frm within. n i still continue to believe that we r not fighting against our rivals but mainly, against ourselves.

anw, back to sava. usually the highlight is on day 2. day 1, i felt abit lack of love..but aft i raised some issues, there was a change in everyone's attitude on day 2.

actually the thing tt rang in my head thruout day 2 was wad vic said in e past, 'confidence n composure' cleared the heats, den the semis, n got into grand finals. also qualified for supercup. tear jerking moments was def. when lj came up n den broke down coz our boat started off slanted [45deg right] as she felt it was her fault. [no it isnt ok?] we got 2nd for e semis coz everyone juz went all out, against all odds. no doubt it muz have been a big scare cum traumatising moment for her, but i felt she kinda 长大了aft e set. fine i admit, i was kinda teary-eyed when i came up n did e cool down. coz i recounted wad happened n it juz goes to show how we badly wanted to earn back e respect. n to fight. do it. juz had the myriad of many emotions exploding inside me, all at the same time. the thought of us displaying indominable fighting spirit, n frankly, the limitless things e human spirit is capable of achieving.

actually, i just feel that when we fall, the only way back is up. and up is where we r heading towards. i'm juz kinda relieved tt certain things we did, though v 狠心, we still executed it. if not for tt, perhaps we wld have taken more 怨枉路. it didnt take us 1 mth to have this results. to me i'd say, we took 1 yr. 1 bloody long yr.

anyhow, this is soo not over yet. come regatta, we'd be even much stronger.

surely, winning isnt everything. (but u noe wad?) Wanting to win is.

Maybe someday when i leave the team, my motivation may no longer be wanting to win. As for now, it remains. rang n i ever did talk abt, tt even if there's at least just 1 person on the boat who do not have tt urge to win, the rest of the boat would be in jeopardy.

it's really great to have the snrs come back. bc, geoks, zy, twin(!), mona, vic, cheez. thx for coming down. though there was quite a few 'hangoverrr' moments as we talked abt certain stuff. the things we put up with sometimes. the audacity.. hor? anw its a very nice feeling to have geoks help me adjust the lifejacket, or twin's hug, etc all those small gesture means so much.

i watched the video clip geoks took of us for the super cup. it was ratherr heart wrenching.

that's 1 down..4 to go.

singapore dreaming

watched s'pore dreaming with rang, angeline and lijun.

its part of my tutorial asgm for sc2216, emotions n social life. suppose to find out wads e main theme, n subthemes. also to link it to the concepts learnt in the module.

quite a depressing show, i felt. all tt mindless pursuit for things in life, for tt pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, n eventually realising its juz cornflakes?

its a very sick society tt we live in, n i mean s'pore. i feel the

main theme: frustration, anxiety, insecurity.
subtheme: lack of love and understanding

frustration tt arises frm all the 5Cs, which i think is crap. really, i'm 1 of those who will stay in HDB all my life n wont complain abt it. i dun like condomeniums, dunno y though? and also, i realise how we only get together during funerals. other times we r juz so freaking caught up with our own sad, busy, unfufilling lives. the death of a person reunites the family together, only for a short time. because aft tt, its squabbles over money, the will.

and for tt housewife. all she knew was to cook, sweep n mop the floor, n boil liang teh for her unappreciative family. she forgot that she once cld sing very well. she stopped singing..

singapore dreaming. how apt. notice they used the word 'dreaming'. unrealistic dreams hardly turn to reality. y pursue tt dream when it leads to endless frustrations?

some pple give up their dreams for money; others work so hard for money in order to pursue their dreams. which one r u?

hmm..i hope u r alright anw. tc ok? hugz

before i sleep, i watched the 7:06min video all over again.

feels sooo gd. it's really psyched me up.

Off to bed..tc everyone.

FBT :]

walau eh!

Here's wad i read in Knowledge Enterprise..

AT THE FINISHING LINE there should be no regrets of not having done your best. NUS President Professor Shih Choon Fong was talking about the spirit of sportsmanship at the appreciation lunch for NUS dragon boat teams (3 Aug). “It is not about winning but doing your best. This is the message I want you to take with you,” he said. He thanked all team members as well as coaches and staff for having done well and raising the University’s profile not only in Singapore but internationally.

Both the captains of the women’s and men’s teams – Ms Cindy Tay and Mr Marcus Too – also moved everyone with their stirring accounts. True to their “never-say-die” spirit, Cindy said they will bring back the Prime Minister’s Challenge Trophy next year. Choked with emotion, she said the Cup will not be full unless it is filled with the team’s sweat and toil.

When tiz friend of my told me online, i heard u cried when u spoke to the President, i was like, 'Huh? where got??'

WTH! I know it when i'm emotional and when i'm not ok? I soooo didnt choke with emotion that day lor..wad's with publications man? I will admit if i'm emo [more often den not, i'm NOT emotional] and when i'm not.

seriously..

speechless

i chose not to say anything, coz i didnt have anything to say either.

courage is wad it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also wad it takes to sit down and listen.

i chose the latter.

u dun nd to speak in order to put ur point across, u noe?

some pple came over and asked me, apparently rather surprised tt i was exceptionally quiet and didnt say anything.

just feel kinda overwhelmed. in 2 ways actually. furthermore, e whole time i juz wonder if i'm fit to say it. who am i to judge?

上梁不正下梁歪 (if the top part is not straight/stable, the bottom naturally be likewise)

养不教，父之祸 To rear someone and not educate him, is the father’s fault.
教不严，师之惰 To teach without strict discipline, is the teacher’s failure.

buzzwords of the day: "being open", "the divide"

blame me for being cynical, i really dun give a sh*t. i'm come to realise tt this is somewhat utopia. not being sarcastic or wad, but for those who ever did mention tt we were not 'friendly' enuf..look wad's happening now?

i'm sorry i cant be perfect

actually i like silence.

y so drained?

is it just me or do u feel drained too?

fri is 'twin day' and tiz time its my turn to decide so we went climb adventure. mp couldnt make it last min, but vic came, so e 3 of us went.

rock-climbing rox..its a great way to de-stress n tests ur analytical ability, albeit in the not-so-chim way. gotta devise ur own route up, n if 1 route fails den try another alternative. i dun really have e adventage of a long body, so cant reach certain tiles as easily as vic can. anyone for climbing on 29th sept ie 2 fri frm now?

its quite fun coz we kept talking cok, aka the phallic symbol [insiders joke] those who wanna know abt it can come join us for rock-climbing next time. damn worth the $, cost only $3. left us aching all over, finger joints included. we concluded tt next time aft climbing, we shdnt order teh tarik coz there's little strength left to even hold up the cup to drink. damn loser lah ;]

had dinner across the st. at this indian food stall. the prata tissue [ok fine, its NOT roti tissue] den we crapped alot over the stupidest stuff. in short, we talk alot of cok. ok twin didnt talk as much cok as us coz..hahah.

took a train down for trg with rang. though kallang n bedok is a mere 4 stns away, the travel time taken is 1/2 hr more. is there anybody out there to hear the pleas of the westerners? was telling her my dilemma bout whether i shd join tiz particular grp. e only thing tts holding me back is tt i dun wan it to as a result 连累 other pple. plus i hate to involve myself in such dirty-ur-hands matters.

den she also told me her dilemma, which was also a dilemma i'm facing. maybe there's many pple out there facing the same prob too? but somehow we juz finally understand wad ys said last time abt how the older u r, the more expectations r being placed unto u. n the thing is somehow u dun really want it but once u r chosen, u cant reject it coz its an order n u dun defy.

rite..blogging in codes.

bottomline is, its ok with me to eat bonjour u noe?

trg is ok. somehow juz feel very drained aft trg. pant like crazy aft 200m set, my anaerobic sux. tiz week, i asked 2 person [lj n hb] wad r they thinking on the boat during a set. n secondly, wad r they feeling on the boat. wad i'm thinking is whether or not to say, to redeem a bad set, or juz let it be? at times, i just let it be. coz sometimes, the more u say, the more anxiety builds up to want to make it better, n it becomes worse in e process. so its juz my personal decision to leave it to 'evaluation' den look at how to improve it. thought abt a few possible scenarios; e scenarios serene mentioned last time. thankfully, it struck me during break time. if it's not passed down, it'll juz be lost forever.

1. if coxwain shout wrongly, ie timing not e same as pacers, who do u follow?
2. if 2nd pair n 1st pair timing off, who do u follow?

actually there's a part 3 which i only remember now. 'wad if 2nd pair wants to jag up stroke rate but pacers cant jag up?'

The answer is: Always follow the pacer.

hmm another thing which i forgot to add..wad is important is that we finish the race together. not juz row in ur own world. i guess tt just totally wraps up the whole idea/importance of this sport? timing.

so, wad if the pacers make mistakes? in our 年代 we dun have supreme authority hor wt? well, pacers cannot make mistakes. in any case, they have lesser room to do so.

am pretty upset i didnt manage to go for the Terry Fox Run today. woke up n didnt feel too gd. its like, my mind woke up ald but my body wasnt responding. i vaguely remembered my mind 'telling' my body to toss over, but i noticed my body was still stationary. felt sick, but nonetheless went for church with my family today. KO-ed during e homily..wth.

y so drained?

The Prayer

I got this frm the church bulletin ytd. felt it was worthy to share. it made me reflect deeply..i guess i've been asking for the wrong things all these while.

The Prayer

I asked God to take away my pride.
And God said no.
He said it was not for him to take away
But for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole
And God said no.
He said her spirit is whole
Her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
And God said no.
He said that patience is a by-product of tribulation.
It isn't granted. It's earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
And God said no.
He said he gives blessings.
Happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain.
And God said no.
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly care
And brings you closer to him.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
And he said no.
He said I must grow on my own.
But I will be in heaven someday because I believe.

I asked God to help me love others as much as he loves me.
God said, "Ah, at last. You finally have the idea."

sat came and went.

it was a damn gd sat. well..erm kinda. went down earlier for trg today to TP. no, not Temasek Polytechnic, but Take Picture. pictures, my desperate attempt to preserve memories. took a stroll down, to e spot where we had e debrief, snapped a shot.

walked to the last 100m mark. snapped a shot.

saw manda n zee discussing trg matters. snapped a shot.

e pple who arrived busy-ing themselves, applying sunblock or chatting. snapped a shot.

they ask me y i brought my camera, y i TP-ed. i replied,' there's no nd for a reason ah.'

bc came down today, it was without a doubt, a v great feeling to have her row with us, or drum? tt silly smile she had plastered over her face during our 5th set, where there wasn't a nd for a charge, since the boat was ald gliding so well. so fregging gd. flashback to mr500, when she had tt same old silly smile, which i was a bit annoyed over. it was obvious we were leading, so she was given e cue not to call for a charge. heh obvious but no nd so obvious la..diaoz.

trg's like getg longer, but i'm alright coz i've kinda dedicated my sat for team stuff ald. i finally solved e mystery as to y it gets longer. do not curse the wrong person..they r innocent! its coz there's more pple. n with more pple means more time taken to accomplish the same 1 task, since there's only like 3 pull up bar? or like, a limited no. of medicine balls. if equipment is represented by K[capital], n we r represented by L[labour]; in order to keep the K-L ratio constant, there's a nd to increase K. wahaha, tts economics for u man.

once again, i let my nd to protect get the better of me :[ i cant tolerate it when pple have a prob with 1) discipline, n 2) attitude. both which i value n regard as important. if u disregard e team or my team mates, i find it v hard to sit n do ntg. no, its not abt 'woah..i've nv seen this side of cindy for a very long time le'. its..aiyah nvm. anw, i shall tone down. maybe i shdnt be born in aug. some character traits do get in the way at times.

i found tiz on someone's blog. she happens to b an nus supporter who came down on race day; i think she's frm china. she may not be the most professional photographer, but when i saw this pic, it was crystal clear. it clearly captured the how we were feeling then. i'm not upset coz we lost, we didnt cry coz of tt. for like i said, if there's any nd to be sad, it'll be tt we had regrets upon crossing the finishing line, knowing we had a bit more to contribute. anyway, tiz is wad fuels me, aka psych me up. u noe how they say a picture paints a thousand words? there's really no nd to say anything more..



Do it. Fight.

was super black face ytd. i dunnoe y exactly but i just feel v mentally drained frm school. or perhaps like i told wt, its e mid week crisis. all things start crashing n crumble on wednesday?

its great no1 come n test water[ie do things to piss me off intentionally/unintentionally] coz if they did they'd definitely not get an easy time. i juz nd to b left alone when i'm in a foul mood, to withdraw into my 'time-out zone' but of course i apologise if i caused anyone to have been worried.

i'm fine.

no, its not the pms or wad, coz i juz had mine n its over ald.

been feeling a wee bit emotional today. argh wtf. during lect, my mind drifted. was thinking how wld it be ltr during trg @bedok. was telling wen tt i'm afraid; wad if i row halfway den suddenly break down?

as e bus turned into the carpark, n i saw the pillar tt engraved 'bedok reservoir'; tears welled up ald. wtf..wads with the bloody waterworks company!? i saw myself with rang, carrying the macdelivery bag, posing for a shot. u noe how ur mind just keeps making things worse?

the next thing, this was ringing in my head:

"we were strangers starting out on a journey, never dreaming wad we had to go thru.."

den i started sniffing. n i cursed even more in my head.

"cindy, u better stop it RIGHT now."

we ran in coz we were running outta time, i was alternating btn breathing thru my nose[which was slightly blocked by then] n my mouth.

its like every direction i turned, smtg will make me think back abt july race. e grass patch where we debriefed for the last time, the pontoon where e gals came back up aft the mixed race, crying for joy, e place where we did the warm up n i had announce the line up for pm cup, n so forth.

"fuck, stop being emo."

busied myself by helping them put on their lifejackets. pre-occupation works..at least it got my mind off all those really fond memories, tt i hold so dearly.

trg was gd. i needed tt peace n serenity, which was sadly robbed away on e bus journey. damn freaking noisy. maybe i really am getting older, i detest noise, rowdiness, wadever the term for it. u get the idea.

enjoyed soaking up the tranquility of nightfall, occasionally closing my eyes to listen to the paddles entering together. thought abt wad i had yearn for, and i realised i have gotten it. it's simply content tt filled me, knowing tt i have gotten wad i have wished. i just wanna row. even more so, i was glad that there's a change in recovery. i like it the way it is now. the one tt was emphasised in e past n i'm comfortable with.

smtg happened during trg today n it left me realising that i have much to thank geoks for. teaching me to b a gd 2nd pair. maybe we wont even noe that we r teaching? but consciously or unconsciously, we pass down lessons n values. thankfully it happened during trg, at least u'd be more aware of how to react in future shd it ever happen. it was somewhat a reminder of wad happened in penang last yr, a damn gd test on prompt response when u have no time to think.

challenging routine

i thought today's mass will be as usual. usual in e sense that there's ntg special, e same 'o routine. routine wld include:

-me dozing off sometimes. not because the sermon is boring, but most of the time, to go for e 830am mass, my body's just not warmed up yet.

-me asking myself wad am i doing here. if God is omnipresent, y do i still go to church each week? is it just simple faith i have? Blind faith maybe? Well, isn't faith believing wad u cannot see?

-me wondering y most families hug each other when it's 'peace be with u', but for my family, we shake hands. the last time my dad kissed my head, or when my brother hugged me, i found it awkward. maybe its juz tt my family isnt gd with expressing ourselves. effects of socialisation..maybe tts y i turned out like tt? i'd nv say e 3 words.

just when i thought everythin wld be "routine", n i'd leave church for trg, we had this song played for recession hymn.

There is none like You

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You

one of those 'wow' moments. i've nv felt this 'wow' for a very long time ald. it wasn't just my heart that was touched. yah n den for a brief moment i pretended i had a mild flu.

went to sdba aft church..as a result i reached damn early. manda came early too so we walked to sdba tgt. its v nice to crap with her. sometimes we have e same crap frequency, which leaves e both of us laughing like mad.

e waters in sbda was damn choppy today coz of all e waterfest n also e subaru challenge. i capsized once coz i was on e bloody unstable T kayak n den i got hit by a wave. the great thing abt capsizing was that i regained my confidence in canoeing! 因祸得福 aka blessing in disguise. it's like, wads worse than capsizing?

well maybe its a combination of 2 factors. 1--calmer/closed waters [not open sea], n 2--regaining confidence, dat was able to control e kayak better while clocking mileage. as i dutifully went to n fro, doing laps, was just thinking abt the difference of 2 sports. canoeing n dragonboating. maybe pple who join db nds company. pple who join canoeing r probably comfortable with being alone, have greater sense of security? apart frm the 'jiayous' tt i said to everyone who past me, there was no other conversation/interaction for the 2hrs. not tt we talk alot on e boat, in fact during trg, its only during the v short breaks tt we talk, n when we do its e formal feedback kinda thing, but if lucky, we can still manage to squeeze in a lame joke or smtg.

on e objective side, there's really a sense of independence tt naturally comes with canoeing. u cannot rely on anyone but urself shd u want the boat to move faster. in db, some may opt to b free riders. i'm no angel, was guilty of tt in my yr1. i wouldnt say i can completely grapse e whole 'feeling the water' idea, but definitely, i feel the resistance. its very real. And if anyone wanna know wads in my head as i'm rowing, tis is it. It was just on 'repeat' mode, playing in my head. i'm not a gd catholic, i dun even spread His words, my actions aren't even exemplary. Why did He choose to have such strong presence in me today?

Lord I give You my heart

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

I challenged routine today..how amazing.

u always want wad u cannot have

on e 1 hand, i feel damn glad we went pubbing ytd n i had my tequila sunrise, n a magarita.

on e other, i'm wondering why the hell didnt i order the tequila shots!? it was happy hr n i cld get it for $4 per shot lah. i rmb y i didnt order ald..it was coz mp was saying, '小妹妹, dun think 21 yrs old den can drink alot ah'

guess i gotta wait like probably 1 mth b4 i get to drink again. nah i'm no alcoholic, neither am i one who'd drink to drown my sorrows. but i do really enjoy pubbing u noe. had actually taut of gg back intro bar next wk but oh well.. ;[

weather's damn hot today. u noe y e weather's getting hotter n hotter when we train at sdba each wk? coz of global warming. y is there global warming? it's becoz we have pple who waste electricity! Here's an urgent plea for everyone to make e conscious effort to save e earth. if u wanna continue dragon-boating without fear tt 10yrs down e road u'd have skin cancer, den do smtg! every effort counts. just coz u pay $25 for e entire sem stay in okr isnt an indication tt we shd use as we please.

actually i figured, i'd nv b able to progess past e 2nd seat. unless a miracle happen. a BIG miracle. am i destined to b in front? Is it really true tt u always want wad u cannot have? aka the forbidden-fruit-always-taste-sweeter syndrome. Now with the imposing of food ban, e usual ice cream stall tt i always walk past on my way home seem to torment me. but usually, i dun give a damn abt it. i dun even like ice cream! think i shd juz b contented, no matter where i am, wad i'm doing.

it's probably abt 21 days b4 sava sprints. if my term of captaincy is smtg whereby future generations[plus myself] can look back n learn invaluable stuff frm, den well n gd. it was a happy set during e last super cup. for 1, we were rowing together. but wad abt e aspect of winning together?

a missing piece tt's soon to be found.

it doesnt bother me if u r a snr or a jnr. to me, wad matters is tt once u r on e boat, u r no longer a rower, but a fighter.

to be honest, i really dun mind eating chocolate n pandan flavoured bonjour bread all day, being a clothes hanger by carrying all ur jackets. if u actually do know wad this means. *hint*

u noe ah..

i juz came back frm pubbing session with twin, mp cheez n vic. its v comical e way vic commented, 'omg cindy i cant believe u r yr3 ald!? in my eyes u r always a yr1' arghh like seriously i dunno whether to laugh or cry.

actually the strangest thing is tt i too cannot belive vic is now in yr4. hah in my eyes she's always e yr2. of the many places to choose for dinner, twin picked marina square. we ate qiu lian ban mian for dinner. nostalgia nostalgia~

in their eyes, i'd always be tt ginna. but now in e eyes of the team, i'm a 老人. time really flies man..

actually i feel tt they really really care. they ask bout how's e team now, n i juz had one word to say, 'BIG'. i went on to say, 'u noe ah last time in ur yr1 sem2, u all went for june race with only 16 pple in e team? now there's 16 juniors..'

n there were other 'u noe' moments. like how i was telling them, 'u noe ah like last time, we cld do 45 60 60 in gym, 3 person per grp, n aft when we finished 5 stns, mona cld still make us go for a run? Now its 5 person per grp, 30 30 45, n by e time we finished 3 stns, its abt time for cool down.'

i feel like a parent. eg 'girl ah..u noe ah last time 1 bowl of noodles cost 20cents?'

i'm not in any way saying tt big is not gd. how wld i even b in e position to comment? for tiz is something tts probably a breakthrough in e history of e ladies db team. how wld u even noe if u havent tried? i do admit i'd prefer a smaller team, but its not fair to comment since i've nv tried big. This big. perhaps all we nd is just time to readjust, a lil more faith, a lil more trust. all these take time n we cant rush into it.

i'm tired frm all the workload tts piling up. its beyond the physical drain i'm experiencing. keep drooling in my sleep, for me this is no doubt a sign of my extreme tiredness. friday's r days i really look forward to as i get to chill out. fri is also 'twin day'

honestly, i'm annoyed with the attitude of certain pple, a minority for tt matter. i'm taking sc2216-emotions n social life, but a large part of my emotions, im still learning to control. once i get v pissed off, i'm so gonna lash it out hard. very hard. if i dun give u face, it's because u dont deserve it. i'd like to give pple chances, leeway, somewhat like an opportunity for u to redeem urself. also, its my way of stepping back to rationalise, to prove myself wrong abt u.

some things just matter alot to me. discipline being 1 of them. to me, its somewhat of utmost high importance. i wont be sorry if i hurt u. even if it means u learn it the hard way.

had tequila sunrise n margarita @intro bar. quite a nice place to chill, of course the company mattered.

i no longer wanna miss u all anymore..
.
.
.
coz i realised u have ald become a special part of me. very much alive.

Cherish the Moment