my 21st bdae pics

posing for a shot

geoks..this is when u called frm sydney! phone passed from me[19th]..

to wenting[20th]..

to boon chin[21st] thanks for the well wishes all e way frm sydney ;]

breaking a bottle of vodka while mixing

the reluctant bdae gal making a speech

dad mum n i[bro not in pic as he went to thailand]

my jc clique, whom i gave a huge surprise aft they realised i was once tgt with him, n den broke up. heh

e nus db gals.

some of e old birds

telepathy twin attire. e terror twins strike again

crescent clique

present from the team. yup i ald starting wearing them ald heh

misconception! i'm very sane inside hor.

e yr1 db gals

i taut diz pic is damn hilarious. thx ah..e 3 pose tt i always do argh

an eventful weekend

had a ratherr eventful weekend ;]

on sat we helped out in coxing/coaching volunteers from truehearts. it was quite funny coz i found out tt i'm not the only one who cant cox. hahahah. was assigned to vjc's boat, where there was me sharon teddy n vijay.

b4 that there was trg. ntg much to say abt it la, just hope tt we found a 'soln', though wad i suggested may not be entirely full proof but based on feel.

sunday: walau i had to wake up at 415am just to b in time for the AHM flag off at 530am. haha in e end mona said, 'ah late late all late!' coz i was supposed to reach at 515 but only came at 520. though e flagoff was 530, we cld barely run at that time. we strolled to the start line coz there was just so many army guys [unwilling ones] in front of us blocking the way.

then mona n mp asked me n cheez to run on our own, while e 2 of them ran theirs. cheez, hmm..v power. yah but thanx man, for accompanying me thru every step of the way. cut timing by 8min heh. dunnoe y e army guys r forced to participate just to make up the numbers. they r like, so in e way lah. imagine how gross it is to exchange sweat with another stranger, coz u rub against his sweaty shoulders. eeew yucks. den i overheard e army guys saying, 'my CO say, come in within 2hr 8 min..3 days off ah! come in within 2hr 15 min..2 days off!' Rite, so maybe they r chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. hahah for all u noe in e end its just conflakes? well if they are so unwilling den dun force them to sign up coz they seriously just block e way. cheez n i both agreed tt AHM is ratherr shiong coz gotta run, stop..den run, stop again. for countless times coz there were just so many unwilling runners, or shd i say, brisk walkers.

honestly, wad was on my mind for the 1st 10km was, 'why did i sign up..why did i sign up?' by 17km my knees n ankles hurt frm the impact, it wasnt v painful la, but juz uncomfortable. by 19km i told cheez if she wanna go ahead, i'm ok. den in all true db spirit, she said, 'no, its ok. we finish it together.' so i was like..touched. but even more so determined to finish it under 2hr 30min [my previous record] thanx alot cheez :]

so we finished n den my legs were hurting, not hurting but just kinda sore from the prolonged impact. we went to the grass patch at padang field to nua, n it was damn shiok. the thing abt coming back right aft a marathon, is tt u cant seem to control ur bladder v well. maybe its just me, i dunno? right aft i crossed the finishing line, in e midst of taking out the champion chip, my pee just wanted to come out, at that instance! it was pretty embarassaing coz i had to squeeze my legs tgt to stop e pee from coming out. thankfully it cooperated with me. *phew*

had to leave early to go back home to wash up, so didnt get to see mona n mp. went home to bathe, rest awhile n den headed off to sdba. i seriously thought i was dreaming when i received a call frm bc the night b4, asking me if i cld help to cox/teach her company's workers who was coming down to try dragonboating. like seriously..cox? anw it was a v enriching experience, some form of a cross cultural exchange. i guess its a natural tendency to clique with pple ur colour/race/country. the indians formed 1 boat, den the chinese formed another, n the 3rd boat had a mixture of both, e remainder. i enjoyed helping n teaching them[was on e indian boat]..they got 赤子之心, ie raw passion for sport, which makes it v nice. just like ytd's vjc boat. did a lot of gesturing[we all think sharon wld be a great candidate n shd help coach them hahah] coz they werent language proficient.

n so tt marked the end of my eventful weekend..damn shagged, but damn fun.

i'm pretty exhausted, n its juz the 2nd wk of sch.

been mugging, but its not even intensive mugging, juz trying to keep up with the huge mountainful of readings. when u dun see me bloggin for days, tts an indication tt i have much better things to do.

i dun even go online, a damn bloody ah-mug. boo hoo. ytd i had dinner buffet with twin at sakae. i requested her to ask me, 'how's life?' n i replied, 'no life..' hahah yah its sad but its true. but nonetheless, it was nice to meet up n crap. no, we werent in our own bubble. rang came n joined us ltr.

been thinking quite abit [as usual] e past few days. i feel i'm too selfish. if there's a character flaw, it's tt i find it very hard to like a person unless he/she proves him/herself otherwise. it doesnt take much for a person to b disliked by me. i cant stand arrogance. nuff said. besides, i feel i juz nd more love. More often than not, we pray n hope tt things will change, but we dun realise tt the thing we actually do have control over, is a change of heart. From within. If Jesus can die for sinners, wad more shd i expect frm myself? Just a bit more forgiveness n ability to accept will go a long way. i will probably nv have such undying extent of love, but at least i feel i shd start learning to love more. Even if it means loving..till it hurts.

in addition, sometimes i feel i expect too much of myself, of things. there r some things i juz cannot bear to see. dun f*cking stroll, take ur own sweet time, give excuses. its ez to rationalise n justify tt it's juz a 1 time thing, n the next time it wont happen. Stop giving urself chances, too many chances. In a race, if u miss a stroke n we do not win, will we come up n pointg fingers? No. We'd come up, n all of us will shoulder the responsibility. If we win, we win as one. Likewise if we lose. Why? Becoz its a team sport. Will there b regrets when u cross it? That remains an mystery tt only each of us can answer to ourselves.

thought thru quite abit on e boat today. i dun talk as much coz i'm juz thinking of a possible soln. maybe also coz i'm an introvert? it may or may not work, but e least is to try it out. i'm convinced tt it works slightly better than wad we did previously. no use getting emotional abt it. hahaha perhaps e reason y i always tell pple my heart is made of stone, is coz i'm highly emotionless. maybe its a gd thing coz tt contributes to being clear-headed.

the cox-ing thing today turn out to b a success. gotta admit i was v pissed initially coz in e end instead of being the middlewoman cum helper, i became the coordinator. [somewhat long story..] for the dragonboat event today. Basically to coordinate a grp of pple frm truehearts organisation, who came down today to try their hands on dragonboating. gotta thank the guys also--mc pq xy zw teddy vj, n also e gals [ 10 of us :] for volunteering to help cox, coach, n row. left sdba at 5+ today, with tt cheer in my head. 'v viva vi la victoria..x3' arhhh. tt's coz sharon n i were assigned to row with vjc.

it's 4 teams--vjc, sp, rjc n havens who competed today. in e end, havens won! they even have a challenge trophy, quite pro leh. since it wasnt competitive, i feel thats wad made it v fun. they were not out to thrash their rival team, but more like a fun event. in e end, bcoz rj n sp collided [it was a 100m race], vjc won 2nd n e havens clinched 1st. even funnier part was tt i realised tt its not juz me who cant cox. buahahah.

it was also v awww to hear this 5 yr old gal, a passenger on e haven's boat, say 'daddy 加油!' b4 the race. its v sweeet. its added reason y her father probably put in xtra power to row damn hard. if my parents ever did say 'cindy 加油!' to me b4 a race, woah i dunno wad wld b e outcome. fyi, they have nv been down to support for any of my races yet. nah, i shdnt expect anything. the best things in life comes unexpected. but i juz feel..a lil lack of love. n maybe support also.

running AHM in abt 7 hrs time. chat with mona online 2 days ago n we were both lamenting, 'y did we even sign up in the first place?' it's moments like these tt u wonder y u actually put urself thru such shit.

e reluctant bdae gal (II)

how d day (19/8) went..

ok i had trg today. n i went for it. yah bdae is not an excuse for skipping trg, i learnt tt HUGE lesson in my 1st yr. woke up as early as 6am to clean up the room. n den mum asked me to pick 4 digits. ok here's it, 1061. pls buy all no. except this one, considering how i nv had lady luck shining upon me. i'm a person who nv had tt kinda 'gd luck' thing, nv won in lucky draws, etc. dun waste ur money on this pls. or at least dun bet on 1061.

went to kallang stn, saw the yr 1s waiting for each other, so wt me yr n jul who happen to b there waited with them. by 1040 we told them we all better make a move, if not all of us will be late n it wld be even worse. i mean, aft all there's a limit to how long u'd sit there to wait rite?

was made to b pacer today. yc where r u? recovery. ok, recovery recovery. nope, i shant be overly conscious abt it, coz e more conscious u r, e more uptight u'd feel. n usually it ends with a case of 弄桥翻桌. let go, n let God, aka bochap! hahaha v often, reverse psychology works.

angela misses her stabliser, but she's made to assume tt responsibility when i pace with her coz of my quicker recovery time. i shd really stick to being 2nd pair. *hint hint* heh but anw i'm juz here to row. ntg more, ntg less, ntg else. if i'm given an opportunity to row, it's because God has given me the talents to do so. Just as He has given, He can take away. I'm learning to live the 'let-go life'

aft trg rushed home in a cab. walau i think theresa wt n i were damn suay. i've seriously met my match. e taxi driver was damn lame, he lame-d all e way frm kallang to bukit batok [wt alighted, lucky gal], to boon lay. poor theresa n i had to endure his lame jokes. there has to b a limit to lame jokes u noe? by e end of it, we juz had a frozen smile, n when we walked outta e cab, both of us agreed with one accord, '太over了啦!' bathed, rest a while, was v glad to see my mum home. the house was spick n span, the mess was kept outta sight, outta mind. phew. sunny was clean n sweet smelling. [he bathes every sat] twin came over at 530, being the earliest. yah i really like ur present, its overflowing with 心意, or shd i say, 辛意. hahaha i juz knew we'd give each other the same present, i beat u at tt. who call ur bdae to b in front of mine? heh. anyone who saw it will seriously misunderstand. On tt note, let me reiterate: There's ntg gg on btwn me and wendy, apart frm us being twins. yah perhaps its juz this special twin-y relationship tt we have ok? nuff said. i noe u pple still find a thrill in cajoling n teasing us, but seriously, there's ntg gg on. [ps: right now i feel like i'm helplessly wearing tt shirt 'Trust Me I am a Girl' n no1 believes anw. argh] anyway, nvm. i rest my case

pple start coming at ard 630+ although i stated 6pm. i forsee a perpetuating trend of weddings starting 2 hrs later den stipulated time. it's a vicious cycle, a v bad culture! punctuality is actually smtg i regard quite highly, though i'd possibly give myself at most 15min grace to b late. ntg more than tt, heh. We only had dinner ard 7, or 730. tt was aft pple came up to my house to nua, n slack. xtra credit is given to pple like rang, liming, christy, karyn, vic, adeline, hamiza, yingbei, yihan, who were e 1st batch to arrive. ratherr on time. twin u r not counted under 'batch', but thnx for coming early. den came bc n zy n e rest started coming in. they started exploring my house, laughing at my family photo, which i dint hide in e end coz my mum will probably suspect i'm up to mischief if she saw the shelf so empty. yah ok fine..its super unglam. it was taken in sec 3 so its like a wth-centre-parting-was-so-in hairstyle. twin n bc..arghh i hate u for snapping pics of it! who else? better own up!

food was alright. i'm quite bad with entertaining pple, sorry bout it. hope u pple who had ur own fun mingling n chatting. oh ya, thx meiping for coming down. i noe u stay v far n initially said u wont come, but in e end still came. dunnoe if its coz twin psycho-ed u to come, or tt distance really didnt matter? hmm anw thx meiping(jiejie)--e snr who always bully me.

had really wished i cld ffwd time, coz i hated the 2100hrs where everyone wld gather to sing the 'happy birthday' song. arhhhh, its too much for me to bear. thankfully i didnt pass out, but instead survived e major spotlight shining on me. delivered a short speech, admist e fact tt i felt highly uncomfortable with alot of 小动作. like scratching my head, n looking ard. i think i really gave a major shock to my jc clique, aft chonglong's incessant teasing bout me n wenjun. he was like, 'so when r u gg to put a stop to all e rumours n go out with him?' then i said, 'chonglong, u really dunno ah? actually, i went out with him ald. we came tgt, but we broke up not long aft..' I seriously stunned e hell out of fanelle, chengwang n him. He went, 'wtf, r u serious??' n i said, 'yes'

sunny terrorised quite a few pple by deciding to kiss them. warning: do not attempt to say 'muack muack?' or 'kiss kiss?' to him, coz he will really respond n jump up to kiss u. On the lips. courtesy of my brother's training. if it's a fact tt dogs take aft their master's character trait, i think he took aft my bro's humsup-ness. dun think he has gotten any of mine yet. insecurity? nah not my trait. timidnes? my brother's! hahaha juz as my bro is afraid of cockroaches, sunny's afraid of small little moving creatures. today, he was literally wagging his tail the entire time. must have been 1 happy dog, esp with so many gals to fuss over him. tts sunny the (insecure)aquarius for u.

went pubbing at clarke quay aft tt with the crescent clique. was v tired but still went for it, coz its v rare tt we go chill tgt[e last time was at mt faber, when we all turned 18]. i was forced to wear a skirt n a lady's top, aft weili ramaged thru all my clothes in my cupboard. i told u ald, i had brought all my clothes to hostel, so i'm left with v few clothes at home. plus, i did wear e present u all gave me last yr k, it's juz tt i wore it when i'm not with u all. i am juz a gal who dun like to wear skirt, but tt doesnt in any way make me very man. think in e line of sc2220(gender studies): gender is achieved, u give meaning to it; unlike sex, which is ascribed. i dislike wearing skirt coz i dun look gd in it, i have a protruding exterior. y shd i wear a skirt if i dun feel comfortable wearing it? anyway, it was a nice chat cum interrogation session. although i was half-awake e whole time. reached home only ard 3+, tts when i KO-ed.

so tts my 21st bdae for u.

ps: i planned to put up pics but its not fated. blogger/hello seems to b down so i cant upload.

e reluctant bdae girl (I)

n so, the highly overrated hype of the so called, 'big day', is finally over. o-v-e-r

i think there has nv been so reluctant a person who celebrated her 21st bdae. well if there is, u saw her ytd.

i seriously dunnoe y i decided to celebrate my 21st bdae leh. no its not for the present[i am not so hard up], its definitely not for the money [i didnt invite any of my relatives..] whyyyy? 为什么我连一点快乐/兴奋的预感都没有，凡而是感到厌卷?

was v shagged when i hit the bed ytd. KO-ed almost immediately, didnt manage to enteratain the 'why' qn. ie why did i even decide to celebrate aft all? i vaguely remember me thinkg, 'very special pple in my life' n den i KO-ed.

yah u who r invited..u mean alot to me. 3 different cliques in my 21 yrs. Crescent clique, my JC 02s19 friends, n now, dragonboat gals. it wasnt meant to b a 'bdae parteee', more like a bdae celebration. anw sorry if i didnt have time to entertain or talk to u ytd. coz its juz so many pple. in bc's words, it's like 'entertaining so many pple, it feels like u r getting married'. for e record, no1 got drunk. hmm..apart frm, jo. heh

kept booze to its minimal aft numerous lessons learnt. vic asked, 'u wan a birthday kiss?' n i'm like，'rite..no thank u' -_-^

since this is my blog, i'm entitled to make my thank u, aka long-winded overrun, unedited speech here. (this has been the actual thing i wanted to say but i cut it really short ytd.) once again, i held back. i dun wanna b seen crying in front of soo many pple, n also, i think i'd probably scare the hell of my parents if i cried. sorry phy, it's hard man. i'm trying to let go ok?

thanks mum n dad, more to mum for bearing me. bearing me for 10 mths, n now continu-ing to bear with me. it meant alot to me tt u took leave ytd n forgo ur $75, which i will return to u in due time. give me 1 mth, i'd come up with e money. i noe u've ur own probs at work, so tts y i dun bore u with mine n i keep stuff to myself.

i havent exactly been the best daughter, i'm out most of the time. but when i'm out, u can trust tt i'm in gd company. i've devoted almost all my time on either dragonboat, or studies. it's hard for me to be home n u dun see me v often, but rest assured tt i'm doing all i can to be a better WOman. When i'm home, i usually am not in e best of moods. But i jus wanna say i really love u. i wont ever say it in ur faces, but i cherish e both of u. I don't have a bf (but neither do i have a gf) so u can b at ease tt ur daughter is single for now, n for life maybe? as for my brother, thx for irritating me for 21 yrs. making me have inferiority complex by always saying i'm stupid when i lose to u in checkers, but when i play with pple outside, i'm pro. with siblings its a natural tendency to share stuff, so u dun become selfish. so thx bro, for teaching me to share. but.. u still get on my nerves sometimes. haha

crescent clique: it's been like 8 yrs since we've known each other. u must have seen a drastic change in me since sec sch. be it in the hairstyle [wtf, who went to go take pics of my family photo, better own up!], e size[so fat last time], or in character. the cindy in e past was an extrovert, someone who terrorised pple with the '19 august!' the immature one who was always up to mischief. tt was a time when i still enjoyed being in e centre of attn; when i kicked a big fuss on how u had to celebrate my birthday, if not i'd be v upset. thx for seeing me thru those times, n for tolerating all tt. i'm a different person now. its not a bad thing to b introverted, it juz means i'm comfortable being with just a few close friends. n u needn't worry bout me, the youngest in e clique. probably e youngest but also e finest? wahahah kidding. i still retain my sense of humour n positive outlook towards life, n stuff. here's a toast to our friendship

jc clique: havent really known u tt well, but nonetheless nice to see u all. the pple who made e 2 yrs in jjc more bearable, though u all juz took e thrill of always letting me b the 'butt' of ur jokes, literally. i noe i have a big butt ok? arghh. i really love e part where we always complain bout mrs ong. no, i'm not as smart as u always thought i was, though i'm e one who made in into nus. but seriously, it really doesnt mean a thing one, n its really not as prestigious as it seems.

dragonboat gals: w/o u all, i'm condemed to b an extreme no-lifer in nus. wld probably have commmited suicide coz there's really ntg gd to look forward for in nus. e snrs whom i have rowed with have taught me many great lessons, which for now, its in e hands of mine, n e rest to pass on. thanks for e ride, different rides in fact. so far i've taken 2 rides, n i'm ald on e 3rd one. probably a few pple i'd like to thank personally, e othrs, pls there's no nd to b jealous. bc for e baileys, rang for helping to coordinate, raine thx for the cheng teng, phy (radio) n rendy for helpg to coordinate n askg e jnrs, zy for looking aft sunny, n twin for e cds. its a tough sport, at times i dunnoe if its love for sport or love for e gals tt keeps me gg. perhaps i will nv know..but anyhow, u all mean alot to me. e reason y i fight so much less losing battles with my mind these days, is because e pple n e sport, has taught me a big lesson on 'mind over body'.

thankfully there's sunny to steal the limelight. think he's so happy basking in all the attention. he loves being in company, surrounded by so many pretty gals! no wonder he took advantage n kissed them. naughty sunny..sorry if he was up to mischief n scared u. i told u b4, he's a v hum sup dog.

shall I post 21 pics?

i think i'm suffering frm cognitive dissonance.

i really dun wan tmr to come. ok maybe come but can i juz b on auto-pilot mode, n den the next moment it's 20th aug? in all seriousness, i hate being in e centre of attn. i really do. perhaps u may thing its a Leo thing to want to b in the limelight, to be the 'It's all about me!' mode, but no leh. i seriously shun n hate being in e limelight. i really love being low key.

e thought of everyone singing 'happy birthday to u', is killing me right now. What if i juz suddenly have some major breakdown tmr? schizophrenia sia. ok maybe i'm thinking too much man. i may nd help tmr. wt n bc..stand in for me can??

have been cleaning up the house a little, but my room's still in a freaking big mess. there's dust flying everywhere. u noe, i'm really nt v particular abt it, but yah, presentation. must have 形象. maybe i'd do some minor cleaning up. but the wooden plank hanging on my door continues to reinforce my stand on y i shdnt clean my room. it says, 'My Room, My Mess, My Business' thx weili, for the present tt u gave in sec sch. it's still proudly hanging on my door ;]

u noe this saying, '在外靠朋友，在家靠父母'? both my parents r working tmr. i asked my mum to take leave but she's still considering. is work really tt impt? i asked her how much she's paid tmr. She replied, '$75' den i said, can i pay u $75 to stay at home? You know the scene frm 小孩不笨2? i felt like jerry for a moment. No doubt she's coming back in time to celebrate lah, like she'll be back at ard 6+ or so, but i'd very much like to see her at home when i come back frm trg tmr. to help me out at home..even if it be juz sitting there n doing ntg.

i dunno how true is it, whether i really can rely on my parents or loved ones when at home. e strangest thing my brother ever said to me 1 mth ago was this. 'Cindy, if i see u cry, i'd cry also.' He nv ever saw me cry aft pri 6. tt was when we still fought with each other. there aft, he has nv seen e softer side of me. You noe wad? I do cry..its juz hidden. behind closed doors, when i'm withdrawn in e comforts of my own room, where there's none to see.

i love my family alot. it's not tt i dun. i juz seem to shut myself out, sometimes i feel its weird too. There's another saying, 'A family tt prays together, stays together.' we r close, but we r not tight. We nv ever prayed tgt, dad nv initiated it. neither did mum. it ever crossed my mind tt maybe i can do it, cultivate this habit, but i am too shy. and i still feel small at home. maybe coz i'm the youngest. arghh

had wanted to make my bdae a small scale one. i talked to a fren abt it, was telling her, how can small scale? its neither gd nor bad, tt dragonboat is a team sport tt involves plenty of pple. we always say there's no other team sport tt requires tt many pple to work tgt as one, to row tgt with 1 stroke, 1 heart. well, guess tts e reason y the gals will make up almost 4/5 of the guests tmr.

wake me up, when 19th ends..

thanx.

click

had a 2hr nap. eh abit tired but dunno y also..watched 'click' with twin ytd. had a nice talk n crapped alot also. amidst the crapping i think we talked abt other more relavant stuff. like e 'when one chapter closes, e other begins..'

well twin, i guess i wont ever fully understand how u feel but tts nt e pt anw. too bad my heart is made of stone. but life's far too short to b upset lah, seriously. anw i think i also needed some stress reliever, so the movie came at a right time. perhaps wed shall b my 'movie day' frm now on.

'click' is a highly recommended show. adam sandler is my fav actor..heh. i feel tt tiz show is more like a reality check for all of us, wad are we really chasing for in life, n is it even worth the chase. yah as wendy mentioned, it seems like a chick flick, a 'hahaha' kinda show, but its not juz a laugh it off kinda thing. yes the hillarious parts were like, reeally hillarious (so much tt i laughed so hard twin as me to quieten down), but the touching parts are rather poignant. yah so wad if i cried earlier than u huh? the 'i love u dad' part was seriously heart wrenching. somehow the song 一千年以后 rang in my head during tt part. like u noe, 无法深情挽着你的手，浅吻着你额头。

dont wait till a thousand yrs has passed, b4 u realise how impt someone is to u. by that time, most probably its too freaking late. 别等到一千年以后，世界早已没有我..

I feel we shdnt be too caught up with our own pursuits, achieving our insatiable n endless wants, tt we neglect the pple ard us. tt we forget to love. like u noe, the underlying theme for almost all show is love. family, friendship, lovers, n what have u.

but there's still a lack of love in this world.

Life's greatest lessons

Wendy taught me tt its ok to make mistakes (majoring in maths..big mistake)
Mona taught me how to be a gd captain
Geoks taught me how to be a gd 2nd pair
Meiping taught me how to be a gd pacer
Boon Chin taught me about passion (For sport, for e gals, n to love myself more)
Cheeling taught me how to challenge myself (set 1130min timing for me to clear)
Yunshan taught me how to fight battles against little voices
Serene taught me how to trust God
Zhenyi taught me how to row properly (dun use biceps, twist more, punching arm!)
Vic taught me how to inspire ("Cindy, it’s not ur fault alright?")
Iso taught me how to persevere (all the runs tt we painstakingly endured)
Angeline is still teaching me..ahahah

Whose line is it anyway?

Why u laugh at me? I’m a princess
Don’t anticipate ALRIGHT? I will not tolerate any rowdy behavior
不要赶，来 拉长， 早死早投胎
Lai, pull LONG~~ 1,2,3 AND 4
啦个 stroke 其实可以再拉长. You play cheat is it? Why u dun know u dun ask!!?
来很好 加油 ah doing well doing great
If the paddle fly to you, it’s not by accident hor. Tough luck, suck it up.
Don’t think, just do!
池塘的水满了， 雨也停了. Call me leng lui..
Easy peasy. Listen to me, you must trust me!
C’mon pass down the encouragement

the old birds. i forgot who coined up the term. all i can remember is when the term was coined. it was during e mini competition we had tt day b4 setting off to penang, c ginnas vs old birds. 'thank you' is too dense a word to fully encompass e lessons i've learnt, n am still learning. thanks for making me a better person. dun quite know how to express it properly, it's just 说不出的感恩.

Do something..do anything

just read rang's blog. it was one of those nice gd 'ol conversations ytd nite. she asked me to go walk walk at e pasar malam near her place. it's v strange tt during our term of captaincy, we nv had such talks. it was always things to settle, n the tone was serious.

right now its back to e really in depth talks. she talk, i listen. i talk, she listen. den i'd always say she seems to b able to verbalise my thoughts.

yah n seriously, rang i think u can lor. for me..nahh. 3 tries n i'm OUT. i'm resolved to holding a 37", ntg longer. somehow i dunnoe if its juz psychological, as in a phobia, or wad. but some things like multi-tasking, how can u train? tt comes under uncontrollables, i guess.

So for the rest, laugh n tease all u want, me being the capt who made history by not being able to cox properly, etc. i dun give a shit ok?

actually aft the chat, i realised tt even though there r many things tt fall under uncontrollables, yet at the same time, there r a hell lot of stuff tt fall under controllables. it's just tt, 拿捏要恰到好处 . tt to me (us), is the tricky part.

talked to phy on e way back from trg today. tt was aft the tau huay session wif zw, manda, angeline, jul, phy n myself. i accompanied her to go JP to settle her stuff, den i went to order my cake. its really kinda stupid coz i had to specify wad i want to b written on e cake. So i wrote, 'Happy 21st birthday Cindy'. How stupid is tt? -_-^

the auntie who was at the counter said

妹妹， 请问你要什么蛋糕？(in my heart, i was like argh..mei mei!?)

Then aft i specified wad i wanted, she gave me the order form to fill in, eg wad do i want to write on e cake. Den she said:

你今年21 岁？我还以为你是中二， 或中一。 你都不像是快要21 岁的人。

i'm not lying ok? i got a witness so u can verify with her. It's pretty disturbing actually. i mean yes, its quite a gd thing tt i pple say i look young (do i have a 长不大 face?), but den again if i look like a sec 1 or 2, tt's erm..太 over 了啦! Like there was this once a taxi driver said i looked like pri 6? hello..a pri 6 wont look so hmm..developed? wahahha

sch's starting tmr. hmm..ntg much to say. prayed abt it, for strength n courage to continue to do God's will. It's all in His plan, so i'd just hope He takes me by the hand n continue to lead me to where He wills.

trg today, probably a balancing act. focused too much on balancing tt it hindered in twisting. even i'm guilty of it. u noe like how the more u hold on to smth, the more u lose control of it? Balancing is one of them. Just like in e case of free will. The more we hold on to it, wanting to dictate our will, the more we become lost n eventually lose control over it. The best way is still to trust in the Lord.

perhaps one of the lesson i learnt today is this. In dragonboat-ing, it's 'do something'. In canoeing, it's 'do anything'

Thus not my will, but Yours be done.

vic n geoks 22nd bdae

aquarius-es r seriously insecure.

see, this is sunny. sunny is an aquarius. he's insecure. he barks n whines in e middle of the night coz he's afraid to sleep alone in the kitchen. when i bring him to my room, he automatically falls asleep. The whinings stop almost immediately. This despite the fact tt i'm doing my stuff, surfing the net n all, while he's left alone cuddled up at some corner. Also, the lights are on. Discomfort dun seem to b a problem here. i think he's just highly insecure n needs company.

He loves to cuddle near me, like he's doing right now, this very moment as i'm typing. And he really knows how to get his way with those puppy eyes. Manipulative!

This post has many pictures in it. This can only mean 1 thing. Yes, u guessed it right. My dad has bought a new camera. It's Canon ixus 600! I hope my bro's gf is footing half e bill since she's responsible for losing ixus 400 [she left it in the cab] urgh. some of my pics r still inside lah.

I'm back to my TP-ing :] damn, my brother's gonna bring the camera to thailand, so i wont have my camera on my bdae. hrmf. anw let the photos do the talking.

the 'huh's. we figured pinxiu is actually much better den lijun. while px is 慢三拍， lj is 慢五拍. -_-^

let's not elaborate on y the chocolate muffin tt i intended to buy, turned out to b a scone instead. damn it. i was equally shocked when i saw it

old birds
top row: cheez, meiping, geoks
2nd row: angeline, iso, twin, vic, mona

三代同堂 [some things juz dun change as time goes by *nudge twin*]


had actually taut we cld go into wala but in e end coz there was a supposed 'cover charge' which we didnt anticipate, and since many of us r still not working n broke, hence unable to pay the $15, we stayed outside wala. tsk, taut we cld have chilled out tgt but..ah well. hopefully next time can find an affordable place to accomodate all of us.

i've found e answer to smth tt i've been asking desperately searching for 1 wk. i guess, it's smtg tt i can do, n will do.

i only slept at 345am ytd. was talking to phy online. basically we 什么都搬出来讲 hahahah it was quite amusing. now i noe y my immunity system failed me nearing july race. y i had those chest pains, labored, shortness of breath. coz many pple were cursing me then. shit u all lah. hrmf

didnt noe i was so hated last time..wahahaha. yah la i'm so heartless, cold-blooded, sadistic, masochist, evil. So much so tt she cldnt believe her ears when i kept saying, 'phy..watch ur back!' when we were running ytd. perhaps its like a too gd to b true moment? yah n she was touched. i'm actually a very nice person ok!? if u havent ald known me. -_-^ And i so freaking care. bleh

nonetheless, in her own words, 'it seemed like 3 yrs have passed..' when i told her i gtg zzz aft our long talk. n for the record, we nv talked more than 10 sentences e whole of last sem. it was a damn gd talk ytd. she was asking y i was so mean to her and expected so much frm her. was it that i hated u? i replied tt its for her own gd. 为你好lor!

btw phy, u really make 1 hell of a gd social worker. i'm truly amazed beyond words. n yes 老人 我听你的 k? u n ur '要哭就哭， dun keep it inside coz like tt v 辛苦' its not tt ez but yah, i'll step by step la. u try having a by default pride..its v hard to control argh.

honestly, i'm also quite amazed tt i actually terrorised some of them [jnrs, now snrs] in just tt 1 yr of appt holding. i very fierce meh? NO rite? Have freshies come to me saying, 'Cindy, is it true tt last time u very fierce' -_-^ it depends lah huh..trg time vs off-trg time. Don't 'is it true' me k.. most of the rumors AREN'T true. wth

went to gym at gombak stadium today. yah, on nationdal day. how zi zuo nie is tt man? but it does feel gd to give those muscles a workout.

speaking of gym, i'm reminded of smth tt happened ytd. i held the door for everyone to come out of the gym. Out of 30 gals, only 3 said 'thank u'. While running back to e squash court, i was telling angela, "u noe the story in e bible where Jesus healed 10 men suffering frm a dreaded skin disease, but only 1 came back to give thanks? Same case as now. I guess i'm supp to say to these 3 pple, 'ur faith has made u well' "

guess wad i wanna say is to be appreciative, and always give thanks. more love pls, pple. awaken ur senses n be aware of wad's happening ard u. Do realise that things dun just happen at the snap of ur fingers. Alot of things seem like they r there juz like tt, but actually what happens behind the scenes, all the preparatory work n stuff, tts wad u dun see. Be thankful

Encouragement costs u ntg to give, but it's priceless to receive
.
.
.
so wad r u waiting for? Do Something

ps: i didnt blog abt the 'giving thanks' thing to expect smtg to change or wad. just my personal 'social psychology' experiment, though i'm no psychologist. And i thought abt proving the Reader Digest article, n myself wrong. That Singaporeans rank quite low in gg the xtra mile, saying ur 'please' n 'thank u'.

bad day

i shdnt let myself b demoralised. but ytd i was. silly isnt it? went down to train (for fun) with the alumni team n felt kinda lousy initially. coz i was rowing v stiffly. perhaps i really nd e medicine ball throw as warm-up to get my twisting there? but there's no denying tt i really sucked n my front catch was missing.

used the sdba paddle to row, n each time yuling's paddle collided into mine, i felt like shit. it was e same feeling as in yr1 when i had a prob last time, when vic's paddle wld collide into mine coz i had the tendency to pause behind n not in front [tt explains y now i have a v quick recovery to e front coz it's corrected ald. but den again now..argh]

no doubt the company was gd, e atmosphere was comfortable n it was v lame hearing them crap ard with the 'soya bean' joke -_-^ i kept quiet most of the time, coz i'm shy. ya, it takes me a long time to open up to pple, also coz i'm e youngest n most inexperienced as well. so the most appropriate thing to do is to keep my mouth shut, n juz listen. but its comforting to hear angeline n bc's voices behind me, when e coxwain called for 'up 10' it was juz e 3 of us who naturally echo-ed the '1 ah 2 ah..' some form of familarity made things seem less..awkward. It was very tiring though, really shagged frm e 1 1/2 hr session. angeline n bc, 'thanks' ah, for laughing at me as i gave diz constipated look when i did pair rowing with a damn muscular guy. He was pulling so fast in e water n i was trying hard to keep up with his pace. thanx ahh..

fun row. hmm i think my most fun row is still, when i was yr1. i jumped boats aft we ended e alumni trg. initially i rowed beside a freshie, den aft tt they beached up n i taught some things to look out for in rowing. ie e correct stroke. Aft tt we headed out to cosy bay n den i volunteered to learn coxg. bc was v kind; patiently guide n help me learn e ropes. ok, there's seriously smth wrong with my multi tasking ability. i will not deny tt some pple r just not cut out to cox; i happen to b one of them. but i still wanna thank vic, geoks n bc[coincidently all 3 r leos, hmm] who have given me e opportunity n painstakingly taught me. i've concluded, i'm destined to row. if cox-ing is a gift, i dun have it. yes i admit i'm upset tt i juz cant seem to get it, but not sore abt it. i'm also apologetic to e 3 shifu who tried v hard, but its nt ur fault, but solely mine tt i failed. yah u can go ahead and tease all u want la.

Then while resumed rowing, i got my thing. like wth rite? it doesnt rain; it f*cking pours. Bad day.. Went up, den told manda i'd b gg to bathe 1st, n den went to wash up. Joined them for their debrief, a rather long one.

cramps were damn painful. i dun like to impose on others so i quarantine myself n stay at home when i'm having my period. Dont wan any innocent victims to suffer coz i'm seriously highly irritable when i have it. dunno y but somehow i decided to go for lunch with the team aft tt. phy n lijun asked while we were walking to kallang coffeeshop, 'cindy, y ur face so black? 笑一个 leh'

Perhaps i'm really an open bk? can't hide my feelings le, its written all over. I forgot who it is who said tt its gd coz it means i'm not pretentious, but i wont survive in e manipulative working world.

Anw i felt i made e right decision to have lunch with my team mates n e freshies. aft 45min, lijun's pink pill took effect n e cramps went away. thx alot :] we crapped alot n in e midst of it got to know them abit better. enjoyed ourselves in e laughter despite e fact alot of stuff said r NOT true. took train home with a freshie, eh i dun rmb her name. she asked, 'so is it true tt..?' n i totally pengz. walau all those untrue tales!

went to sch to spring clean e room today. spent 3hrs there n managed to clean everything chest level n below. swept e floor thrice, went on my fours n mopped e floor twice, n den vacummed. in e midst of cleanign up the previous owners' mess, i found weird stuff like panty liner [unused one, heng ah. but still..wth?] gd thing i also found some money. 75c altogether. cheap thrll yah? went ikea aft tt n bought some stuff. got a bit cranky coz as u noe, i'm a horrid shopper with weak walking stamina. chose to deposit myself at a nice spot while i asked e 2 of them to go back up n shop for their own stuff.

been a long day. tired.

juz woke up from a 2hr nap.

v shagged frm trg, i gotta admit i cldnt last the 45sec. my heart was in my mouth by e end of it, it was quite 辛苦. e feeling was equivalent to tt time when i paced with angeline during last yr's mr500, aft finishing a 500m set. throat v dry, breathg quite labored. its abt time i work on my anaerobic.

anyone for anaerobic otot?

watched ladder 49 ytd. another of the vcds i rented. this time rd i rented 3 vcds: lost in translation; ladder 49 and Be with me. walau eh, it was juz a steady stream of tears throughout the show la. it's bout firemen risking their lives to save pple.

People are always asking me, how is it that firefighters run into a burning building when everyone else is running out? Well, Jack, you answered that question by saving another man's life. Your courage is the answer. -Chief Kennedy [acted by John Travolta]

i'm always impressed by the human spirit in times of adversity. Be it a quiet determination, or courage, or even a strong fighting spirit.

i was super kao bei today. it'll probably be my 1st n last time. i juz cannot bear to look on, so i juz kinda lashed out. i thought perhaps its my 错觉, so i kept quiet n observed for a longer duration. pride is a very funny thing indeed. If u want me to respect ur pride, den make sure u earn it, make sure all of us earn it. Not saying i'm e epitome of a gd rower, coz i'm not. I really am not. At times i still fight losing battles with my mind, tt's when i hide my tears as i row, coz i feel helpless. Helpless coz i still lose to tt bloody little voice.

but i make it a pt to b exemplary in my actions. If there's smth i need to work on, juz let me know. Like I told jul b4(when I was pacer n she was my 2nd pair) to juz zhua me during e race set. If it’s front catch tt I’m lacking, just keep zhua-ing, the most I’d hate her during the set. Not more than tt. It’s just a matter of putting ur 100% during this 2hrs, to control ur urge to talk, gossip, move slowly, drift off. In short, its abt staying focused n being disciplined. Perhaps I shouldn’t impose my ideals onto others, or tt I’m too demanding. Dunno if its coz I came frm a uniform group, or tt the snrs did an excellent job in drilling the idea of discipline into me. Whichever it is, it doesn’t matter. Wad matters is..well I’ve said enuf just now. And yes, it’s my 1st n last time. btw geoks, i think i've taken over ur place. 2nd pair..pace regulator.

I owe an apology to 2 pple. Sms-ed them to say sorry..for crossing the line.

Your greatest gift to others is a good example.

Appreciation Lunch

Forgive me for being cynical/skeptical, but i juz wonder. Is it just us who gets an appreciation lunch, or other teams get it too?

If such, does this mean we r more 'appreciated' than other teams? This is seriously v controversial. Tsk, if u noe me well enuf, u'd noe i dun like being high profile. over-recognition is a sin, a bane to society.

i'm relieved tt it's over. tt speech took me 2 hrs to compose. 1 hr each night, for 2 nights. i sent it to 2 person to edit, ys n yr. if only u managed to see the 1st draft; it was simply atrocious coz it was juz abrupt n didnt flow well. thanks yr, thanks ys, for the pointers. Yah ys, i nv plagarise. i got put u under footnote. haahaha And yr, ur lame suggestions tt made me laugh like mad! [they were darn gd but i didnt use it in e end..] they were laughing their heads off when i sent them the doc via msn, i saved it under 'wtf_speech'. Like seriously, it's really wtf!?

watched the ner ner ner ner ner 2006 in conf. room. in e end it juz cldnt show on the screen so we used 2 laptops. still think its v wen xin, thanks for the effort. n yah, thanks for the ride as well.

anw to gm, who insisted tt there's a flaw in the quote. Here's the link:

http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/

Convinced?

I took part of it coz it really dawned on me that often we are so afraid tt we arent gd enuf, but in actual fact, we have so much inside.

I really didnt noe wad to talk to prof shih abt. surprisingly we landed on e conversation topics abt weight specifications of boat, as well as standing stroke. i'm impressed tt i actually cld hold a hmm, 5 min conversation with him? Plus i was the one who initiated the conversation topic. woahh

Apart frm tt, its like juz kinda..冷场. some things i still find a lil unncessary. for eg, making speeches, or even meal etiquette. yah i noe its abt portraying urself as being civilised n a gd upbringing, blah blah blah, but dun u think it's a lil, pretentious n restrictive?

Watched the Lake House ytd. it's a really gd show, abt love tt goes beyond distance. Moral of the story: Love is abt waiting n being patient. It's really an awww show, i was like close to tears during e v touching parts. I admit i'm a sucker for romance movies. aft tt e 8 of us went to starbucks to nua, to discuss bout the movie n explain to our dear lijun wad went on in the show [coz she takes a longer time to process, n was always in e 'huh' mode]

Did a hat-trick today. hehe i'm gd. no, i'd say we are damn gd. 3 times in a row we guessed it right. close to half the time during the run today we were laying on our backs[wad r u thinking!?], so i couldnt help but notice that the moon tonight was very beautiful. So gonna have nice firm abs, heh. at the end of trg, i taught e 2 jnrs a trick. not exactly a trick, but its juz working ard the 'problem' with a bigger/stronger grp of muscles. coz i had the same prob when i first joined

Our deepest fear is not that we r inadequate;
Our deepest fear is that we r powerful beyond measure.

and so u may ask..y am i not sleeping yet?

i think maybe its the teh-o-ping.

i shd STOP drinking kopi-ping, or teh-o-ping frm tt vari-nice coffeeshop.

OR MAYBE..it's because i'm forced to stay up to write my WTF speech! Like seriously argh!!

i hate doing unnecessary things, i really do.

it really amazed me to see 4 pple joining us for trg today. 3 freshies, 1 who's in her yr2. 1 of the freshie pulled 2 of her friends along, aft sms-ing me last wk and expressing interest in db. kinda convinced her to come try out, and also coz she was ald eager to experience wad trg's like. y did she msg me? coz they havent updated the website n e contact no. hmm but i last checked n they finally updated. heh very gdz.

i dunnoe y but this 俗语 '前人种树， 后人乘凉' juz popped into my head today. perhaps its coz i feel tt many things didnt come so easy during the same time last yr, where we faced quite a fair bit of uncertainty. We were worried tt no freshies will join, but today, i see a different scenario altogether. It's like they 自动送上门? ok its not very nice to put it this way. but more like, they r very willing to open up to new challenges, n r willing to give it a try despite the many misconceptions that girls generally have on dragonboat gals. That's y i say i'm amazed. Amazed that they do not let all these negative image of muscular, rugged, big-arms, sun-tanned gals intimidate them. Besides, its a wrong idea! In the past there was a nd to post on ivle 'student events' to ask for pple to join db. It was almost like a plea or some form of distress signal to beg pple to join, juz so to make the numbers. Now, they juz come on their own. Kudos to these brave souls. That's really smth to praise God for.

If we can 'fall in' all the gals who r previously from uniformed grp, i think there'll be like a platoon of say..12 or more pple? Of which 8 are from ncc.

Rushed down for trg today, despite ald informing zw tt i may only reach at 630 coz its rush hr n traffic is bad. tuition ended at 530, leaving me with abt 45min to get my butt down to src ON time. my heart couldnt take it, hence i decided to hop onto a cab at clementi, so i reached src at 613pm [according to my watch] it costs a bloody $6 ok? $2 for peak hr charge. wth

my tuition kid, nicole is damn funny. she was extremely embarassed when i flipped her p5 science txtbk n she asked me to skip the whole topic on sexual reproduction in humans. u shd have seen the 'shy'/embarassed look she had, accompanied with the giggle. its classic, so primary sch. she was telling me how today she tried hard not to laugh when her science teacher drew a breast n explained to the class. she juz kept giggling non stop, n i juz looked @ her and say, 'very funny meh!? all girls also have ah' i think i scared her with my stern look n harsh tone. it put her back into her place. She kept quiet aft tt.

tsk wads with smart pple who r juz lazy? She's one of them, smart but plain lazy. Just like my brother. I'm not so fortunate like benjamin. If there's 1 thing i'll always rmb, it's tt aft PSLE my bro scored 240+ n i scored 230+, i vowed to myself tt if its natural smartness i lack, i'll compensate with hard work. Den for O levels n A levels i consistently fared better than him. Some pple enter uni bcoz they r born smart, others enter uni only coz they work damn freaking hard. I belong to the latter. Life's unfair, but wad to do?

i wont go into like, trg details n wad we did for trg, etc. we did the usual: run followed by gym. ran with this freshie called [urghh i cant rmb! damn bad with names] and talked to her along the way. i didnt wanna talk to her so much coz i'm reminded of the time when i talked to wenting during her 1st few trgs when she joined us in yr1 sem2, n she said in a polite way, panting, 'can..we...talk later?' I dun wanna give the impression like its easy peasy for me, coz it isn't. I do perspire, i do pant, i do feel tired. The reason y i talk to someone during runs is to make them shift their focus on torturous run n juz have smth else to think abt, it is NOT to brag abt how much 气 i have. Just said to her this, 'if training is not shiong, it wont be challenging. if it's not challenging, u wont come back for more, rite?' and she responded, 'yah..tt's true'

hope i unleashed the sadistic nature in her. muahahaha. if she dun come back, ok i admit its my fault tt i scared her away. but given her grounding in ncc, i have a sure feeling she'd come back for more. how do i noe? Let's just put it this way, i'm lek. hahaha

did gym with angela n theresa. it was quite an enjoyable session coz we'd encourage each other on, and up our weights for the last set. wad goes up must stay up :] did our own otot during gym, coz our grp took lesser time than the rest as we had ald taken max weight.

twin asked me to request smth, but i did it half heartedly coz i'm torn apart. also noe it wont materialise n a part of me inside knows its not the right thing to do. bleh..i go ktv with u another time la huh? i did ask, but i also taught her the art of Omega.

btw i dunnoe y we dun have friends? As in, nus dragonboat. apparently rumour has it tt we r v dao. if only u get to know us better. perhaps all the 'seriousness' during trg scares everyone away. but being serious during trg doesnt equate to we being hostile. it's 2 things altogether. ah well..nvm. maybe we r destined to have no friends. i told yr's fren, who's an ex-NP rower, tt maybe the reason y we r so dao is tt we use 刀标油. u noe? 'knife brand' oil? -_-^ heh

Fact of the day: We drink vitasoy because it aids in muscle repair. it serves as a form of protein drink [though VERY low % only]

Like seriously..