hello its me again

i'm so pissed. like seriously some silly person came and tell me, 'so u think u r confirm gonna get A+ is it?' juz coz i'm surfing online. Like wth!? The whole day i'm doing my stuff, and how often do u see me touching my dee!!? What right do u have lah!? I'm so pissed..nvm i shant even bother being pissed.

Y shd i even bother?

No, i'm not gonna get an A+ but i dun see what's wrong with taking some time off to run. It's not like i've got alot of time but i dun believe in staying cooped in an air-conditioned environment 12 or more hrs a day and not do anything. What sedentary life! No life.

F*ck lah.

Anyway, i'm ald half down. No, to be exact, its more than 1/2 down. 2 papers today, it was alright. for MNO, i kinda felt like it was a 'gd set'. den for econometrics, hmm, i think it was ez. but the thing abt ez papers is that the bell curve will juz adjust to the right, making it more difficult for u to get an A. or better.

Ytd's ec2101 was kinda screwed. Like freaking screwed. all i can remember is walking into YIH feeling a little lost. When they asked how's the paper[though they can more or less gauge frm my face], i said, 'i'm gg sci-ence later to eat happy food.'

Sometimes u dun nd to answer to the pt, team mates can get it. Sometimes u dun even nd to open ur mouth and they can ald sense what's wrong. Sometimes all it takes is a reassuring hug. Other times it takes an 'are u ok?' or a simple 'jiayou' to provide some form of warmth. Warmth that's crucial, esp when u r studying in the YIH freezer and it's really cold. Literally. There's no love here, its cold hard facts and cold hard reality. Last thursday..hmm. Thanks. U noe who u r. everyone of u.

Well, Sunday..i can say there's nv a lack of love. 4 person sms-ed at different time if we wanted lunch. It's the little things tt matters. things tt seem so insignificant and perhaps smth u'd probably brush off and say, 'oh it's ntg much'. But it really means alot. pple talk abt 'brotherhood', what does it actually mean? Think abt it. Think hard. Or maybe its juz tt pple express it in different forms.

Hit the books again. Another 2 more days.

drained

ok aft coming back to hall, i've decided to blog. i mean, re-blog my lost entry.

i am feeling very drained, like really drained.

just when i thought i had a solid foundation of my revision, i did the past yr exam papers and then i realised i was stuck. and then i started doubting myself. its ever so easy to fall into the pit of no return, the pit called depression.

no, i do not believe in self-pity. sometimes i really hate myself, den i realise its useless to do tt. coz its a loser's mentality. will nv allow myself to be depressed.

got like 5 papers in 4 days, so i'm ending early on 27th april. Lucky? Well it dps which school of thoughts u belong to.

either the 'zao si zao tou tai' sch or the 'if u feel tt u can up, NO, u don't. U let it drag further!' sch

if there's anything to look forward to, its e quick getaway right aft the exams. like seriouslyright aft. will be rushing off to changi the clock strikes at 3pm, 27th april.

but damn, argh..aquarius.

my loose left ankle syndrome acted up ytd when i ran ytd. twice. painful, gotta hop a few steps b4 resuming.

i must stop communicating to lizards. they are being extremely territorial! start shitting all over the place, my place. no more 'tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk!'

very drained indeed

my blog post juz disappeared!?

i have no more energy to re type, despite it being a short entry.

roger and out.

a breakdown of time

if 1 min=60 strokes/min
den 60min=1hr=3600 strokes

wad is gg thru ur head in a span of 3600 strokes?

Personally, 1st half was like loads of discomfort esp when my eyes were stinging n i was tearing and sniffing. i couldnt open my eyes and had to force tears out to flush out the stinging salt water.

'32 min down, 28 min to go..'

well, all i can say is usually aft u completed half, for the next half, it's like, 'we've ald finished half, cmon, if give up now, wouldnt it be a waste?'

rowing with wenting beside me, ha nostalgic. seeing her expression, e jiayous. we *almost* had a shower under the merlion. well, almost. no la, ltr kena fine.

feel tt its gonna take more than just endurance, more than juz strength, to go into a june race. it takes more than juz that. i've been thinking, alot. it takes plenty of trust, chemistry, love. a reason for rowing for each other, a gd one for tt. tt was wad occupied my mind during the endurance set.

Other things, so many things. Focus-ing on the set, on wad the snrs ever said. like how serene ever said, 'Don't think, just do.' how equally vulnerable we get disturbed by tt little voice, but not giving in to it.

Alas, at the end of the set, ended of with a charge. it felt gd. No, it felt great. like fucking gd. hahah. rite. and seriously, wad fails to kill u makes u stronger. what's next? sentosa? heh

went for evening mass ytd at holy cross church. fr richards was preaching today and he happened to see quite alot of uni students[2 rows full] and then he said, 'well, when u see so many uni students coming, u noe the exams are ard the corner.'

i didnt go for church juz coz exams are ard the corner. tt was like secondary. i went coz i needed to pray for someone.

mum says she is scared of me coz whenever i go back during the weekends, i'm exceptionally moody. tts not very gd. i shnt be so short-tempered. but i am, recently. no its not the time of the mth, juz tt sometimes lil things piss me off.

anw, yah, better get back to study. its nice to see u smile again. when i said its undeniably tru tt, 'honey stars is the greatest stars in the universe' and tt 'coco crunch is the breakfast cereal with the great chocolate-y taste'

things tt make me luff

reading weili's blog made me luff really hard.

yesterday was darn fun la!!!ok la!!!act e fun part was seeing ppl n meeting teachers..not so much of e stuff there...coz i think i've grown out of it le man tee hee...was really hoping to see rong ge ge n my charmaine!!!!but man!!we missed it!!too bad i dun hav rong ge ge no. la!!heard from ho wei yi tt wendy n rong ge ge they all act went down but too bad!!!we r juz you yuen wu fen!!!n guess wat????!?!?!ho wei yi changed so so so so so sos so so much tt i really CANT RECOGNIZE HER AT ALL!!!! can you imagine i stard at her for like 4 seconds before i can recognize her?*FaInT* cant believe she was once so boyish n now..she transform into a goose....so demure n she was wearing mini skirt la!!!ahahaha...well e funni part is tt when she told us tt rong ge ge left le, vong actually sigh..and wei yi started singing "xin shang xin tong bu tong!!"muahahaha!!

like seriously, i think its kinda contradicting la? grown out of it..den the next moment u teased lipin bout rong ge ge. n the part bout hwy..goose? wahahaha

and i'm reminded the crescent days where i was damn terrible, used to tease lipin every single day abt rong ge ge. my gosh, i was so evil then. And till this very day, i associate the word 'endure!' with charmaine.

the very first PT..the very first run. still very clear in my mind. ran up the routanda, down the steps, up the slope[beside the phonecard phone], down the slope, out the sch[the 2.4 route] hearing her say 'endure!' was and in my mind i was thinging, "easier said then done" i didnt like her, ahahah till now i dun really as well? no particular reason.

yah i remember reporting sick when we were still running outside. in my mind i was thinking,'when is it gonna end?' huisze stayed behind to walk with me. i barely managed to run back to the canteen and then the next moment my vision was black n white. i really sucked in running then. i hated it, hated PT. maybe it was more of fear. every sat trg my heart wld be racing like mad even b4 PT started. even feared coming down for sat's nc trg. i had thoughts of quitting. Funny isnt it? How tt thought is the first thing tt comes into ur mind when things dont go in ur favour?

anw, it's abt 3 more weeks to the exams. Jiayou everyone. HIT-Hang In There.

emotions

i hate to say this, but yah, i am emotional.

*sniffs*

'r u like, crying?'

*look away*

'erm..'

yes i teared in front of deedee upon reading somebody's blog entry. walau eh. n den we both digressed a while, frm our intensive study. Talked for like 3 min.

things u nv thought imaginable that can trigger those active tear ducts. ok, yes the pride thing. and so u thought we r strong. perhaps..but deep down we r kinda emotional.

ytd's night row..wow. i wish they neednt have to reclaim every single possible land in s'pore. like wtf? esplanade is so beautiful, and so is the fullerton hotel, the banks. to row with the amazing skyline as backdrop. 'focus 10-15m in front' it was kinda exhilarating. romantic maybe? hahahah NOT.

re-visiting the june race site, followed by regatta site, always brings back alot of emotions. 'nuff said.

of denial

i conclude that the only show tt i watch on tv these days are reduced juz 1:

Grey's Anatomy

Yah it used to be many shows, lotsa them. There were like the Guess show, or ANTM, or some really nice 9pm drama serial. Right now, it's juz reduced to this one. I really love this show la, its really amazing. For every episode, there's a lesson to learn. smth like a 'moral of the story' kinda thing. I just so love this quote la!

denial, it's not just a river in Egypt, it's an ocean, so how do you keep from drowning in it?

u noe like denial= De Nile?

it's damn quirky, and the show has really gd plot. Yah, everyone's having sex with someone else in the hospital. Sex sells, whether u like it or not. Really u shd go and watch it to understand man. Ok, i shant deny that i'm in denial. I shant deny tt i was smiling to myself while my eyes were glued to deedee. This show's really really gd. My only form of entertainment, for now.

ytd i had this worse project meeting with my grp mates ever. i was really fuming, so freaking pissed off tt i didnt even want to talk. which explains my black face when i stormed into yih aft the 2hr long meeting. i guess aft a power nap, i felt slightly better. maybe i nd to go for anger managment class? so tt explains my rather cranky self during gym. the anger machine (inclined press) did help to release some pent up frustration though.

Dinner at clementi. my mum n bro who last min backed out from gg for penitential service, went in the end. I didnt go in the end. tsk. they went clementi for supper aft tt and saw me while i was dinner-ing with jul, wenting, zy, bc, jo. mum was telling me how she have just went to re-pierce her ear. She was like so excited and bro gave the 'ur-mother-ah?' face to me. I gave him the 'yah it's-ur-mother also' look. ahahah -_-^ Seems like she's hinting me to get my ears pierced as well.

NoOOOoooOOO! No way man!

For those who think i've ald pierced my ear, u r wrong. hah it's just a mole tt looks deceptively like a ear hole. the mole suddenly popped out when i was in sec 3, n has remained there ever since.

mum's boiling potato and carrot soup during the weekends. heh anyone interested?

the strongest muscle

the strongest muscle--heart

my heart, it hurt.

is it really tt strong..or is it failing me?

"cindy r u alright?"

"today's not a very gd day.."