well, i learnt a lesson today

希望越高， 失望越大

life's like this. we shd juz learn to expect the unexpected. aft all, the best things in life always comes unexpected, isn't it?

its e anticipation tt gets u all excited, but leaves u empty at the end. so, dun ever anticpate.

feel so cheated..damn it.

i'm blogging..

today marks the end of a productive week.

i'm loss for words n cant type further. i read wenya's entry. haha no i dun wanna secretly wish tt i failed a module. Although im apprehensive of wad lies ahead, i do wanna move on to another chapter of my life. not tt i'm particularly looking forward to it, but anw i believe God has it all planned for me so i'd just walk on.

lunched with roy n rang today @biz. i initiated the lunch topic n it was on e show i watched on central ytd, 'super nanny'. aft watching the show, i felt like strangling e kids. seriously they have a BIG issue n tiz 6-yr-old boy can actually call his mom a 'big fat bitch' in her face, kick n whack her when she put him in his 'time out corner'. hence the nd for 'super nanny' to the rescue, where she steps in to teach the parents how to handle kids the proper way.

we were saying tt when it comes to our kids, we'd write in to the schools n press to re-introduce the cane. yup we happen to b a generation tt believe in the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' so we'd want our kids to be disciplined the right way. Not like the kids these days where parents r so protective over them, n they grow up becoming brats.

i'm kinda excited bout tmr. gg pandan reservoir..can get to see the sculling boats ;]

the highlight of today's trg is tt it worked like tiger airways.

free-sitting

lolx

so wad happened is tt there was a mad rush to 'chop' our innermost desired seat. all along, it has been my wish to b a back pack, hence it was almost instinctive tt i chiong-ed to the last seat aft sir talked to us. if u make an intelligent guess, u'd know where the original back pack pple chiong-ed to..

hahah ya e front seats! pacers, 2nd pair..3rd pair. u name it, they 'chop' it. i managed to reserve the 2nd last seat; behind me was lijun n bingz. my partner was an original front pack who made her dash to last few seats too. guess who? heh

yah so far i havent ventured further than e 2nd seat in a race. ok maybe aft tiz mr500, there's an updated version. where i was hmm..like the 3rd pair? apart frm tt, i've nv gotten to whiff wad the air behind smelt like. or experienced the breath-taking view frm the back.

anw today i got my chance ;]

apart frm looooong endurance set, n the blazing sun..trg (huh..wad trg?) was fun. seeing a record no. of 12 pple in front of me rowing, the punch in tgt, the defined deltoids..woah.

wad more can i ask for? hmmm..maybe like..a permanent switch? hahahah..maybe i shd juz cherish the moment. aft all, how often do we get tiz kinda chance?

the biggest highlight for today is..the merlion! ok i noe its very cheap thrill. we not only 'bathed' under it once, nor twice..but 5 times. now the relevant authorities arent gonna b pleased to hear tiz, but seriously, who cares!? s'pore is waaaay too rigid, n wad harm does it do if we take a shower on a scorching hot day? ok, 5 showers.

n i had an unglam moment. -_-^ no thanx to manda..bleh. anw sir was saying he'd position us properly so tt we'd all evenly get wet, in his words..'i chun chun bring u there!' chun chun =准准 (in hokkien). but he didnt really 'chun chun' position us.

i only realised today, tt i'm quite emotional when i'm tired. the irony of it all is tt i'm rather emotional at times when i'm emotionally drained. i watched tiz MTV in e morning when i had breakfast. its 非你莫属 by Tank. i cried when i watched it..yah the MTV is v touching. maybe its not that touching, but i find it v sweet. here's the link, if u r interested to watch （or simply boliao)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ry8yFuldtw&NR

wads written in the note:
这是我们一直在寻找的
希望这小小的幸福
一直陪伴着你

right now..i nd to find back myself, my own groove.

i'm v tired..

emotionally. i have lost my motivation to study. my assignments r due soon n my life is pretty screwed.

no matter how hard i try, the rate at which work piles up in the 'in' try always outpace the 'out' tray.

真的累了

day 2 (action!)

here we go..

top 10 picx for today.

1) Mixed team (b4 they set off for semi finals)

2) 一个好的摄影师，就像国际形警。。
3)越是想要刻意隐瞒的事情， 越容易在镜头下完全曝光
4) warm up (eddy style): Cmon let's kungfu fighting~
5) Stunned look #23415
6) twin! thanx for coming down..sweet~
7) Cheerleaders wanna-be
8) Overall Tertiary/National Schools Championship: NUS
(haha xiuyi lookalike ;])
9) Sir's very 1st birthday cake in his life (he's so shy)

10) We are the champions my frens..n we'll keep on fighting till the end.

i learnt today a huge lesson in church today. n it applied to wads happening in my life today:

it's very easy to fall..but the difficult part is rising again each time u fall.

we fell, we hit rock bottom. now we rise again. it takes humility to admit tt we were once the weakest. the team tt nobody gives a damn abt. the team tt nobody was scared of. it takes am even greater dose of courage to dust ourselves n stand up again. today, we stuck to our plan n not let fear of a lower stroke rate put us at a disadvantage.

often i pray to God to ask him to open my eyes, ears n heart, to be aware of His works happening in my life. thank you for letting me 'see' n experience Ur love n glory in my life today.

Me: sir, thank u. we did u proud!

Sir: *his usual grin*

top 10 pix for the day which i hand picked.. i'm obviously too tired to blog even though i was down for 1 set only. the sun has zapped my energy away.


1) doing visualisation b4 gg down for women's heats
2) aft we came back frm the women's open heats (we did well despite unforseen circumstances..hope u r ok now ;)
3) Doubles in the house YO~
4) stuntwomen. check out my new 'stunned' look. haha
5) Mixed team coming in 1st
6) coach sharing his experiences and advice with me
7) Women's IVP crew
8) Women's IVP results ;]
9) Smiles hugs n jubilation (zw n my roomie) there'll b no more tears..

10) NUS DB Ladies 06/07 (wadever la, my stupid pose)
there u have it..the top 10 pics for today.

that was another 5min with cindy@blogspot.com.

rite..tiz is so lame. anw i had a chance to spend quality time wif sir today. wad had initially been juz a playful intention of wanting to snap a 'backview' shot wif me > see pic no. 6, turned out to b a v fruitful talking session wif him. he asked me stuff abt my life n i asked him bout his, n like seriously.. apart frm my dad, bro(ok, maybe not), n maybe wenjun..diz is e 4th guy in my life so far, i can actually hold a really gd conversation wif n not b afraid tt i'd run of out topics.

charming old man. heh

sir: so cindy..which team r u going to row for aft u graduate?
me: hah sir, no team la. im gonna take up sculling..

i dunno y but at tt pt in time the song perfect by simple plan juz rang in my head.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

no la, pls dun misinterpret. not tt he was disappointed or wad, coz he sure wasnt. its juz that approving smile, the usual candid smile. it's that supportive look..

i guess he's like a dad to me. n perhaps the song juz rang in my head coz i realise at that point in time, aft talking to him abt other stuff, abt hopes n expectations..that at times, i juz wanna make him proud. perhaps as a team, we too wanna make him proud? r we growing up according to plan?

it's a quest to find out

i blogged a 5min entry last nite b4 i sleep but it vanished.

anw here's another 5min entry. to think i have the decency to blog when i shd feel guilty. go shoot myself or smtg..for spending time like tt.

anw we went out on wed. the crescent clique, n it was finally full strength of 10. lipin was talking abt hannibal rising or smtg b4 tt. its abt how tiz hannibal tortures his victim to death and then eats the flesh of his victims' cheeks. why cheeks? coz its the most tender meat.

eeeew. hahah tt was dinner topic. so gory.

tiz are the bdae gals--ling n weili
wenya jul n i
me (check out my new 'petrified' look) n ky
me ky pin wee wenya sally jul guimei kenneth n ling, weili n yasi.


i look damn stunned in the pics. it's called the petrified look. heh

oh anw i juz realised on wed nite, that there's so much prizes tt we got frm the xphysique challenge. there's 2 notebooks, 1 teva slipper, another brand of slipper, 2 notebooks, 1 mizuno L size shirt (tt says RUN100% behind), 1 columbia water bottle, a 20l backpack, a $150 cadbury hamper, 2-4 free cable ski rides (2hrs each at ECP), a swatch watch, a bag full of men's biore facial and body wash (like wth do i do with that!?), a $50 billabong voucher, a free new zealand ice cream, and the medal.

of which i think i'm only interested in the billabong voucher and either one of the slippers. the rest i'm gonna give away for free.

really. i'm not kidding.

k diz is the end of yet another very random post.

XPhysique

i'm very shagged from today's XPhysique Race. Our team of 4 consists of--1 frm odac, 1 from rovers, 1 frm canoe polo n 1 frm dragonboat. the team is only as strong as its weakest link..me.


Inter Varsity Challenge First


intentionally or unintentionally, we did nus proud.

the best things in life comes unexpected :]

i'm too tired to type on.

scars

i was being a lil bored today. i kinda forgotten how my left leg looked b4 i had that scar, all 'thanks' to the unfortunate fall, n even more unfortunate bad job of 10 stitches by the paramedic at penang :[

Penang '05. where i still had NO scar. n where i was still so young, energetic, full of life.

No scar above left knee yet.
This marked the beginning of a scar for life.
the scar tt will accompany me for e rest of my life.

today during trg, i suddenly thought of david. Well, it juz suddenly occured to me tt some of e stuff he taught us can actually applied to make us improve in some aspects we r weaker in. anw looking thru the pics, i realised tt 'prize giving ceremony' is no longer like b4, where previously, the coach wld give out the medal to us one by one. i'd always rmb the 'gd done ah..' heh.

felt pretty weak today. i juz cldn't exert as much power as i previously did. felt v 'pang-cik' n i hate to feel that way.

i'm stressed abt wad awaits me tmr during the XPhysique challenge. i hate myself for letting shit happen to me time n again. I juz dont learn frm previous experiences! i seem to have a particular flare in willingly putting myself into shitholes n let shit happen. now i'm juz v troubled over not being able to perform tmr. i'm in a 3 guys 1 gal team (u nd to form e team like tt) n it sux coz i obviously noe i'm the weakest link n i'm so gonna hold them back. i shd be having fun, but..i dont think i am.

also, i learnt diz wk tt i shd nv let myself be too happy each day. i realised tt if i'm v happy for tt 1 particular day, somehow the next day shit awaits me. its as if i nd to ration my happiness wisely n not use up too much within the day itself, else the next day i'm left with much less.

i dunno wad to type anymore. nitez

finally have some time for myself.

cleared my test on wed, now i'm juz marginally on schedule in my readings. it's like, if i do not stick to schedule, i'd juz be left behind with accumulated backlog. which i'm avoiding at all cost.

well, tuesday came n went. i learnt a huge lesson on time management. it's like no matter how hard i tried to study for the game theory test on wed, i juz couldnt manage to finish studying. hence i sat out..for e 1st time. n let's juz say its gonna be my last time too.

thankfully e test was alright. the xtra 4hrs preparing for it was indeed beneficial, no doubt i was still left wif pangs of guilt.

attempted on my version of 'Project Smile' ytd. I sms-ed my entire crescent clique tiz lame sms which goes like tiz:

人什么时候想喝汽水？

答案：孤单时。

因为。。

当你孤单你会想汽水（起谁)

Surprisingly, out of the 9 pple i sent out, i received 6 replies. wenya was e 1st, haha she walked over to my room n shouted, 'cindy...!' den came jul's, lipin's, wangwee's, ky's, n weili's(who sent me back a lame sms) reply.

so i guess wad i learnt is tt u nv noe how ur small actions can make so much a difference? 'Project Smile' was pretty timely, considering the SIM pple r now sloggin like mad n mugging very hard. now reaching their threshold of sanity. quite alot of us too huh?

karine told me last sat, 'cindy i think u r a v optimistic person' n i was like, 'huh, orh.' (tt's so me to have such a response) n den i asked her back, 'but, wad makes u say so?'

i juz dun give myself the impression tt i'm an optimist. do i see the boat as half-filled or half-empty? definitely half-full. muhahaha. i feel, it's more like i noe how to 苦中作乐.. like since its ald the way things r n i cant change it, y not juz make the best outta it so i wont nd to feel tt miserable. maybe, well maybe..to tt extent, i'm optimistic?

i dunno.

who knows?

God knows.

Anw game theory really applies alot to rowing. here's the 1st qn in my test.

Two ladies can perform a task if and only if they both exert effort. They are both better off if they both exert effort and perform the task than if neither exerts effort (and ntg is accomplished); the worst outcome for each lady is tt she exerts effort and the other lady does not (in which case again ntg is accomplished). Each lady has to choose whether to exert effort or not without observing the other's choice. Specifically, their payoffs are shown in the following table..

so u c, economics is not tt abstract, its applies to our daily lives. our actions r determined by the actions of others, n a good equilibrium is reached when u c others exert effort, n simultaneously exert too. otherwise, there's really no purpose in putting effort when u c others not exerting at all.

anw it's time to go back to my books.

aft trg, we went to watch 2 movies. seriously, i can soo get used to tiz kinda lifestyle. heh

juz plonked on e seat at the grand cathay to watch 2 consecutive movies, e 1st being The Pursuit of Happyness. here's some really meaningful quotes frm the show.

Christopher Gardner: [to his son] You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.
Christopher Gardner: Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something. Not even me.
Christopher Gardner: All right?
Christopher Jr: All right.

ha yes i gotta say the show is pretty thought-provoking. the title is frm part of a Declaration of Independence speech by Thomas Jefferson. The pursuit of happiness. No one can actually have happiness, we can only pursue it.

how apt.

Dreamgirls was next. eh, not v sad le. anw i was v slow. only at the end of the movie did i know who jennifer hudson was. it's somewhat like a musical, smtg like mulan rouge. they juz keep singing n singing. happy also sing, sad also sing. but their vocals r damn powerful, n pretty much they express how they feeling using their powerful vocals. they can really sing i tell u.

if i have to parallel btn these 2 shows, its the theme abt dreams. wad i've learnt is abt not being afraid to dream, n more imptly to hold on to it. take home msg:

人因梦想而伟大

wad a day.

walked into sdba today and saw traces of girls in the distinctive turquiose blue skirt. they were wearing black tshirts, gathering, or shd i say, 'fall in' facing the sea.

anw i was doing the normal unconscious thing tt any human will engage in their every day lives, smtg termed cognitive categorisation. in short, its juz human nature to wanna sort things out n classify pple. its how our mind works.

i was figuring out if they were frm ncc or npcc.

not b4 long, i got my answer. i heard a 'yes, staff' in a low-pitch chorus--> 1)tradition to answer in a low-pitch, but will nv go as deep as rgs. heh; in addition to tt, they were holding all their barang barang in their left hands--> 2)everything gotta standardise; when they fall in, it was stomach in, chest out, look up--> 3)look intimidating aka dao; when they sat it was super upright, nv sloutch--> 4)discipline

yah, crescent ncc. confirm plus chop n ur money-back-guarantee. there was no doubt abt it.

quite heartening to see e future generations still upholding some traces of tradition, despite the fact tt i've long since left the unit.

omg n i'm damn surprised tt mr chan boon leong, our CO aka teacher in-charge, can actually remember my name!

mr chan: cindy..wah, still studying?
cindy: oh yah hmm, hi sir. (stunned + loss for words)
mr chan: wad r u studying in nus?
cindy: orh, economics. graduating soon. u brought them her to try dragonboating today ah, sir?
mr chan: yah, the part Bs.

come to think of it, he's quite a nice CO afterall. despite the fact tt he's an extremely stubborn guy. n he still perspires alot. n he carries a plastic bag wif his stuff everywhere he goes. wahaha

been having bouts of nostalgia recently. like for instance 2 days ago, someone was singing song 追 by leslie cheung, along the arts corridor. den thought back bout how we won 1st in the grp singing during the Crez Awards. n how i vowed nv to sing tt song again coz i'm so sick of it..but occasionally at ktv i'd still sing tt song. ha i rmb how pin, jul, weili n i sang in front of so many pple. damn daunting experience come to think of it. there was a natural 抖音 for me, not coz i can sing, but the sheer nervousness of being in front of a crowd. not like we're damn pro in e first place n it was certainly weili who was the more experienced one wif better vocals. but it was quite fun looking back n seeing the trophy at pin's house.

i nv ever thought i was fat in my sec sch days. looking at the old pics, i see a very round cindy indeed. tts not unusual, considering tt i'd adjust my watch to b in sync wif the school bell and wld always be the first to run outta class n do a sprint across the parade square, towards the canteen during recess. sometimes if we were dismissed late frm lessons n had only 10min left for recess, i'd still manage to finish tt plate of chicken rice in record time. hahaha

tt was definitely the best days of my life.

秀伊 is so brave..he actually came out the closet and told ella he likes her!

出柜同志.

poor thing, he's actually not gay, but since he's still in e dark abt ella's real gender, he thinks he is one.
tiz was sooo hilarious..my gosh.

阿爸 阿母
我对不起你们 因为我知道 我是一个同性恋 我是一个 gay 啦 我实在真不应该..
阿爸 阿母
对不起啦！

wt is really mad wif me for getting her addicted to tiz show. not my fault maa..i controlled my laughter in hostel ald. walau i juz had to re-watch it again now tt i am back home. provide sooo much comic relief. hahaha, n she laughed louder den me.

opps 怎么办？